Memoirs of a Nobskid VIII

Ok, I need a personal assistant now. Someone to remind me when Noble puts his memoirs up since I always forget to check. I promise if you remind me, I'll give you my personal twitter. I always put up nekkid pictures of myself too, I swear I'm entertaining.

Speaking of twitter, people always make fun of Noble on twitter. This makes me a very sad panda. Recently, it was Noble's choice of baffs. I wouldn't wear anything he wears, but that doesn't make it bad. It just means Baby Gap had a fantastic sale and Noble was in the area.I think Noble is a very fashionable man. Dude is so damn sprezzy, he's like the Nigerian Steezus Christ.

But that's not why why we are here. Where were we?

Oh, that Biola girl decided she wanted some Noble peen.

#PAUSE

Sunday May 15, 2011.
I have been in all sorts of situation but I can’t remember anything close to this. For some of you reading this that have been caught with other people’s husband or wife, I know you can relate to this. 

Way to exclude me, Noble.

For me, it was a different experience all together. Come to think of it, let’s say you are cheating on your wife with her best friend and one day she walks in on you two, what will your first reaction be? Something like ‘”Please it was the devil” and then as usual, the lady will use her hands to cover her boobs while saying “Titi, is not what you think”. Like really? It’s not what I think? What makes you think you know what she’s thinking or that she could even think in such a state?

Beats me too. If I got caught cheating, I'd just tell her that I got hacked. Blaming the devil is so last year anyway.

Nobs: Hold on.
(I excused my self and went into my bathroom)
Biola: On your street. Come down
Nobs: I’m not home at the moment.
(Bee, I know you will be mad while reading this but I did it to save my face. I was scared that you might start a fight or walk out on me so I had to lie. If you read this, I hope you understand)
Biola: Where are you? I’m in front of your house.
Nobs: You didn’t say you were coming, boo
Biola: Ok. Let me know when you are back.

This won't end well.

I flushed the toilet to form activity but as soon as I was done with that, my phone rang again.
Nobs: Boo
Biola: don’t boo me anything, you liar.
Nobs: What did I do now?
Biola: Just as I was about to turn your gateman informed me that you are in?
Nobs: He must high on Cossy Orjiako breast milk. I left about 30mins ago.
Biola: Nobs, tell me the truth, are you upstairs fucking that girl I saw you with at ICF?
Nobs: No (I didn’t lie because at that point I was in the toilet and not on top of her)
Biola: You know what? I will wait for you downstairs until you get back.

Called it!

So I did a wise thing, I walked back into the room and ofcos Shirls was fully dressed. She was looking at me without saying anything.
Nobs: Hey, I have messed up a lot and I just need to be straight forward with you. The lady I saw at ICF is someone I’ve been seeing but we had a bit of an issue and she was calling so that we can sort it out. I’m so sorry I put you through this and if you want to go, I totally understand.
Shirls: Nobs, being truthful is all that matters. Sort yourself out and I’ll be waiting.
That moment, Shirls won my heart and I regretted the moments that I had lied to her. I walked to the living room to handle my issue.

Aww. Shirls isn't such a whore.

When I got back to the room, we were no longer in the mood for sex and we ended up going to the galleria for a movie.
To be frank, it was a totally new experience and I began to appreciate Shirls for the pretty lady that she is.

Me too, Noble. Me too.

You know after what I went through and the blue balls that followed, I considered picking up a sister for chatting purposes ONLY but what my headlamp caught was different. 

Chatting what? Noble, we don't believe you, you need more people.

She was wearing the shortest skirt showing a huge part of her panties and her boobs were supporting her neck. There was no way she could see her feet as her boobs would have blocked her view.
I thought about stopping but decided that phone sex would pay me more. So I did just that.

This makes no sense. First, Noble just wanted to just have a conversation with the prostitute, maybe with  a little chest hair titillation. Said prostitute had huge tiddays but Noble decided to leave to have phone sex. Sure.

Thursday May, 19,2011.
There are certain things you lose with posting late...

Sure, bruv. Sure.

...and it’s totally my fault but there are also certain things that you can never forget. 

Our first long conversation.
I was in a meeting when the call came in
Nobs: Hello
Her: It’s Zoba
Nobs: Same Zoba?
Zoba: How many do you know?
Nobs: I know one that was so cute and didn’t like my big head years back even though I used to dream about her boobs.

Hahahah. Noble even makes fun of his head too.

This picture is so appropriate right now.

Zoba: You used to dream about my boobs?
Nobs: Not really.
Zoba: It’s been a while. Got your number off your mum. I ‘m coming to Lagos tomorrow. I hope you will have time to for me. Where do you stay?

Damn son. Hoes these days should tuck their thirst in a little. Can't be having all over the place.

Nobs: Lekki
Zoba: Married?
Nobs: Yes, to Jesus.

Noble so funny. Noble crack funny jokes.

Zoba: You’ve not changed.
Nobs: Have you? Are they the same size?
Zoba: Bigger
Nobs: Where will you be staying in Lagos?
Zoba: 4Points or The Blu. I hear they are the new ones in Naija.
Nobs: Cool
Zoba: Keep your Friday open for me.
Nobs: Bring it on

...and the P has been set.

There are few things in life more interesting than big boobs, I can’t even remember any.

I concur.