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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Memoirs of a Nobskid VII

The Nigerian blog awards are coming up and we wouldn't mind if we won something. Who doesn't want to come first in this blogging thing, eh?

Back to the business of the day. Noble has updated his memoirs. Rejoice!
Sunday May 15,2011.

On sighting Biola, I wanted to totally ignore her and move on, but on the other hand I didn’t want her to go home feeling like she could go on treating me like shit.
Wait, were there memoirs last week? I'm seriously getting lazy with this thing.
Without trying to hate, I think the guy looks like a badly prepared Amala wearing baggy jeans and spotting a beard unevenly distributed on his chin.
Noble is insulting someone's looks?


So I excused myself and walked up to them

Nobs: Hey Biola

Biola: Hey

Nobs: (Extending my hands to her man) Hey my name is Chibuzor. (Trust me, I decided to introduce myself as Chibuzor just in case he was the same person that picked the call the night before)
Chibuzor tho? Not even a cool name like "Oliver". I mean, Noble looks like Oliver DeCoque anyway.

There I was thinking, “Biola thinks a minute with me is now a biggie?”
Noble, I know how you feel. Dead babes you used to block no longer have time for you. It hurts. Sometimes, I regret giving them my scantron too. Hoes!
On some occasions, I have ‘fashied’ Shirls just to spend some time with Biola and now because of her Amala in baggy jeans, she wouldn’t give me the time of day.


At that point, I hated the month MAY and even romanced the idea that Ada may be behind it considering the fact that I didn’t really treat her well in her mind. So there I was thinking maybe Ada had her bath naked and prayed for me not to have luck with any of my Lagos girls.
Ada be having Okija connect, yo!
Nobs: I called you last night.

Biola: I saw your missed call this morning and I didn’t have credit to call back.

Nobs: You can represent Nigeria.

Biola: How?

Nobs: for lying at the Olympics.
Ok, that was funny. I wont even front.
I really wanted to be mad at her but her boobs kept distracting me. She had a transparent top on and I could see the whole nine yards of her baby’s food.
Boobs are so distracting, cleavage especially. Sophomore year, I had to work with this girl for a class. I remember having to write all the MATLAB codes without her help. Before class, I'd prep myself to tell her off. I'd get to class and she'd show cleavage and I'd completely forget why i was mad. Women are demons. Ekwensu!

I digress.
Nobs: I heard you last night asking some man to tell me that you were asleep.

Biola: Nobs, cut the bullshit. I don’t f*cking owe you anything! 
Ye! Mogbe! //O\\ (that's me with my hands on my head if you haven't caught on)
Biola: Ask yourself, what is Biola to me? Am I just another character to grace the pages of your memoirs while you go about singing praises about how much love you have for your Slim?
SHET! The hour of reckoning has arrived.
Nobs: I thought we were trying to get a bit serious?

Biola: Serious? Do you get serious? I have been with you. I have even tried to play iyawo just to make you happy but what do I get in return – horrible lines in your online diary.
Biola, you gats get in line. Ada bin dey chill since. On a serious note, I can see why Biola is mad. After everything she did, Noble didn't bring his M&B A-game when he was writing about her. Biola wanted his tongue to trace her outline too,
Lord have mercy! It then dawned on me, Biola was really over me and didn’t give a shit about my feelings anymore but then instead of feeling bad, I was getting more attracted to her.
Don't do it, Noble! That's her plan. All na scamz!
That got me thinking of that time that she cooked for me.
The food? Not the sex or how she played with your chest hair during the sex?
Nobs: We are keeping David waiting, can you come later tonight?

Biola: So you can have something to post tomorrow!
hahahahahahahahah. Biola, why u so mad?
Biola: Nobs, what do you really want?

Nobs: A future with you

That did it. She kept quiet for a while and then

Biola: I will call you later.
Well, that was easy. Noble didn't have to use omo to wash her. She should have fronted small. I was enjoying it.
Biola: I will call you. Where did you pick the thing with you?

Nobs: In the same shop you bought your Amala.

We placed our order and while we were waiting I overheard the conversation going on at a table close by.

2 ladies were discussing the issue of a vibrator.

Lady 1: “I think I have a problem, I can never come with a d**k inside of me. It just has to be a vibrator and I think my new boyfriend feels cheated”

Lady 2: Really ? Why? He does not last long?

Lady 1: No, he does, I think it’s just my body

Nobs: O_O

On a serious note tho, are there people out there who find it difficult to come with a d**k inside of them?
This is not a problem for Noble. He always leaves his women satisfied. Never forget that.
Back in the room, I begged Shirls to play my best bedroom game.
Ghen! Ghen!
Shirls undressed and was just wearing her black bra and panties with her heels.
Noble, I'm getting you
She stood in front of me backing me and then bent over. The sight made my heart miss several beats.

Believe me, you may be eating one type of dish everyday but if presented in a different way, the dish will appear totally different and new.
Odi egwu!

She went down on all fours and spoke for the first time.

Shirls: Go ahead, eat me with 3 drops of ice cream.
This Shirls is just a harlot. Eat me with ice cream? You no dey fear infection, Shirls?
I moved on with my teeth to remove the panties, being careful not to tear it but at the same time eager to take if off.

Turned her over and lifting her legs high and parting them, I went all in for the panties, took it off and dropped it on the floor.
M&B flow. You see why Biola was mad? She didn't get this treatment.
I grabbed my phone, took a pic….

and just as I was about to drop the phone back, it rang…

Nobs: Hello

Biola: I hope you are home, I’m almost at yours.

I went blank and so did my erection…
Hahahahahahahaha. Biola na bastard!


  1. The amala comparisons. Good God! *faints*

  2. i loved mathlab!! but excel not so much. i hate coding in excel.
    anyway, idk sha. biola sure is easy, so the only way to get her na to promise her serious relationship?! ahh...sometimes i wish i was made a boy.

  3. Oh my days! I have been laughing like a crazed banshee. Your parody of Nobs is such an awesome read. Loved the Oprah pointy fingers pic.

    And btw, that has to be one of the largest lace panties I have ever seen. It is of Bridget Jones diaries proportions. Nobs is good at his craft though.

    This is a great blog bro. i am a huge fan. Voted for yall at the Nigerian Blog Awards. awesome stuff

  4. Noble yabbing another man's looks? hahaha
    Odikwa egwu!

    I never saw the Oliver resemblance till now... they DO look alike

  5. lmfao.....whoever wrote dis a fool #NoOffence d pictures were just too funny *rolling*

  6. I ADORE these highlights. ADORE THEM.

  7. I've read the memoirs but this rendition of it makes it look new all over again. lovely pics. very descriptive. Wen i saw the amala comment, i lol'd then thought, wait noble himself isnt all that oo..hmmm..

  8. Nice write-up. I love your use of post your personal pix and the funny pix

  9. I LOVE this series! It's actually your commentaries i enjoy the most! :D


  10. hahaha this Nobs is a bad guy oh, so this girls can go online and read what he writes about them and he still be getting into their lace panties. You are wrong for the pictures of him though... hahhaha too funny

  11. Lmao @ 'I went blank & so did my erection'..:)).. Noble z jst a bloody STD-distributing fool..!!!.. I feel sorri 4 d girls dt fall 4 him..Dat's if his cock&bull stories r even true!!!..
    @SNL: Kudos 2 SNL!..luvly parody..(Y)..Keep up ze good work!..:)..

  12. Lmao!whaaaaat!the highlights are really funny,made me fall outta bed twice!Good stuff.