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Friday, December 23, 2011

Christmas Wishes…

Christmas is here again people. I would’ve loved to wish y’all a merry Christmas & happy new year but I don’t really roll like that. This year has been rather traumatic for me, mainly because I joined twitter and became aware of all the fuckery that goes on there.  As this is the season of giving, it’s somewhat customary to write down what you want for Christmas so that those buying you gifts know will what will be appreciated & what will be tossed to the trash. This year, I put together a list of things I want desperately from Nigeria and Nigerians on the internet. See what you think 
  • Vic O/Speed Darlington:
For real, this joke has to stop. I don’t know when y’all decided this would be a great gag but we can all agree that it has been a resounding success. These niggas actually think their sewage quality music has merit and that they have ‘talent’. You people that obviously do laundry for the heavenly host, have washed these niggas so much they’re earning money off imaginary talents. This is almost like some sort of inception. Let us end this now before this thing gets out of hand and Majela gets signed to Mo’ Hits with a Kanye feature in the works.
  • Linda Ikeji’s Blog Comments:
We need to appeal to Aunty Linda to moderate the comments on her blog. Every time I think that Nigeria has made significant progress, LIB comments slap me to my senses. I believe part of the blame lies with Aunty Linda because some of the things she puts on her blog (e.g. Aunty Amara’s post ) is just downright trolling. However, the creatures that find their way into her comment section probably need no help at all.  I am currently drafting an online petition for y’all to sign and support but it might not be ready in time. Anybody that wishes to help in this noble endeavor should contact me on twitter (@_BlackTeach_).
  • BIS Prices
There was a time (albeit a very brief one) that owning a blackberry was sort of cool and was only available to certain groups of people. Unfortunately, this did not last. Suddenly everybody wanted a blackberry and could afford one. As a result of this, the fuckery on the internets increased and became worrisome. Now, I’ve always imagined that MTN was out for the destruction of Nigeria but if what I’m hearing about Glo BIS prices is true then certainly Glo is working closely with the enemies of this country. I keep saying that some people should not have access to the internet and twitter is my prime exhibit. We saw what happened when the bus conductors and orange sellers found Facebook; the same shit is happening to twitter. Barely literate daredevils that tweet without enabling autocorrect or spellcheck, liter our timelines and camp in our mentions. Let us get Glo to stop this fuckery because when your mechanic starts asking  you for your pin, it’d be too late.
  • The Nigerian Government
How these clowns got into power amazes me greatly. From the anti-gay marriage bill to the 2012 budget, these people keep finding new ways to fuck around in office. I suggest we help them find constructive avenues to mess around without putting the country at risk. I suggest participation in reality shows like Senate Idols, Nigeria’s Next Top Governor, Shit My Elected Representative Says etc. A wrestling federation for the legislators wouldn’t also be a bad idea considering their violent track record. I should think Ben Bruce would be able to arrange the production of these shows for the good of the country.
This by no means an exhaustive list. These are the few things I could think of off the top of my head. Please feel free to use the comments section to tell us your Christmas wishes

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Is He A Gay?


Monday, December 12, 2011

SOGI Naija Is Born

*Editor's Note: You guys are obviously aware of the "gay bill" already. Well, the horse isn't really dead so...yeah. One of our readers, Z, has decided to take more action.*

<font face='Times, "Times New Roman", serif'>SOGI Naija Is Born</font>
I had started my project a while back, working on the template lazily, playing around with logos on Photoshop. My ex even told me over and over that I needed to get started with it, put it on my CV, get into it- but I wasn’t ready. I had too much in life going on to start putting time and energy into it. That all changed last week when the Nigerian Senate voted on the anti-gay bill, which I refuse to call a marriage bill because it’s actually not about marriage, no matter how much people want to pretend it is. The concept of being gay in Nigeria and pushing to get married is preposterous to me. If there are gay people in Nigeria who have gay marriage on the top of their priority list, please introduce them to me. I want to meet them so I can find out how they bypassed the eleven thousand other pressing issues that confront them as gay Nigerians and decided to settle on marriage. I want to meet their families and discuss whose village they’re having the traditional ceremony in- in fact, I want to meet their families because that would be not one, but TWO whole Nigerian families who are down to have a fabulous glitterified gay wedding for their children. Oh, you couldn’t find them? I thought as much.
You know what, I’m getting off topic. My original point was that I heard about this bill, which I’d actually done research on earlier in the year, and I knew I had to kick off my project. I didn’t have time for a fancy launch, for weeks building up to a great unveiling, I just went ahead and started. Gbam. No shaking. It’s called SOGI Naija, and that stands for Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity in Nigerians. I kind of love the logo, I’m not going to lie.
The site is a space dedicated to sexual and gender minority Nigerians (ie gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, intersex, asexual, pansexual, questioning, queer, gender-non-conforming, etc). In a culture that is often hostile and oppressive, SOGI Naija celebrates who we are without apology. We provide relevant resources and news, creating a forum for community engagement and discussion. Whether you are at home or abroad, SOGI Naija is the place for you to connect and share who you are, as you are.
Now, as the founder and moderator of the site, my personal system is obviously going to influence how I run it. My thing is, I don’t like to argue. I’ve been blogging for the past 6-7 years, hopping from blog to blog, and the longest one I’ve kept open consistently is Leave In The Kinks. I used to argue with people there and cuss them out, even got a bit of a rep for being quite vulgar. Nowadays? I don’t have energy. I have strong opinions as a queer Christian, but I’m not a fan of entering theological debates because in the end, it’s between us and God, really. To be clear, SOGI Naija is definitely a space for discussion and debate...just don’t expect me to personally engage all the time #kanyeshrug. My opinions, along with those of allies and other queer Nigerians, will be featured on there in the form of articles and features, so if you’re curious to familiarize yourself with a different perspective, head on over.
I’ve been blogging as a queer and genderqueer Nigerian via The Feel Of Free for over a year now, and in that time, I’ve heard from several gay Nigerians around the world who reach out to me, we gist, we connect. They are the reason I started SOGI Naija, they are the reason I continue to be as out and vocal as I am, because I know I have already started making a difference. Also, I remember how lost I felt when I didn’t know any other queer Nigerians and I felt there was no one else like me out there. I’m fortunate enough to have my chosen family in New York include other queer Nigerians, and I believe we all have the right to community. So. Voila. SOGI Naija.
You can follow us on Twitter as well- @soginaija, feel free to drop a comment, share the link, gasp scandalously, tweet at us, the usual. We dey.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Guest Blog: Speak For Yourself

*Editor's note: All issues with this post should be be forwarded to the writer's twitter or you can fight in the comment section. 

I have always believed in letting writing speak for itself, so lets get into this then.

The human psyche is one of greatest remaining unexplored vistas left to man. We have managed to come so far in so short a period of time. We have conquered the depths of the oceans and have driven buggies on celestial beings but we are yet to fully understand ourselves. The person we live with constantly. Our thought processes. The reasons we do the things we do. We tend to put these ideas away from our common consciousness and instead have devoted the most of our mental capacities into survival. Whoever as 2011 rolls slowly to a close and with the advent of better living standards, we are being forced to dwell more on our inner person. 

Humans are fond of “games”. We play these games for a variety of reasons. To avoid confronting reality, to conceal ulterior motives, to rationalize our activities or to avoid participation in activities for which we lack inclination or motivation. These “games” which my imply gaiety are far from such and emotions and personalities are fully vested in the games being played with serious consequences for failure such as suicide and social rejection being punishment for failing to comply with the rules set forth by society. 

The game I shall discuss today is the “Everyone has so I must have” game. Personal tastes have been discarded to fall in line with popular culture which only panders to the capitalist notion of mass production for cheaper cost. Billions of research dollars are spent yearly by corporations to determine how to get into your friends heads. The advent of social media such as twitter and facebook has only fueled this bonfire of materialistic consumption. The inability to be content with ones possessions. The feeling of gratification from spending hard earned legal tender on commodities that have been produced for next to nothing and then embossed with a logo thereby making you a walking billboard.

 Stop being a clone. Find your inner Jedi. Fuck a logo

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Look! More Troll Baiting!

Troll baiting sensation, Linda Ikeji, has put up another post on this anti-gay thing.

 We have decided to explore the comment section for the wisest of wisdoms.


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Nigeria: A Voltron for its People’s Anuses

As a nation, we need to decide when we are going to stop the fuckery that keeps going on in the National Assembly. The nonsense that goes on in there would have started a French style revolution in any nation with thinking citizenry. I mean, Nigerian legislators routinely discuss stupid shit and try to pass that same stupid shit into law. How is it then that we haven’t bitch slapped some sense into the idiots we call our leaders? Just yesterday, I found out we were trying to get an anti-gay bill passed into law. Before I could even be properly mad, I hear the sewage bill got passed. Am I the only one flabbergasted here? We are yet to have comprehensive legislation banning Tonto Dike from foray into the music business but we have anti-gay laws? I don’t care about your opinions on gay rights, this is shit is just retarded.

First off, why is this an issue for the National Assembly to discuss? There are children being sold into slavery, terrorist attacks, rapists with a flair for cinema on the loose, unemployed youths and households that have never seen electricity, but yet we concern ourselves with what another man decides to put into his rectum. Have we as a nation decided to voltron for another man’s rectum? Does it truly concern us what other people choose to do with their anuses? Are we really ok with pedophilia but not with homosexuality? To say our priorities as a nation are grossly misplaced would be a serious understatement.

Forget about the homos for one second and think about it; this shit affects you homophobic niggas too because this doesn’t end here, nah son, it’s just the beginning. Imagine driving in Lagos with your brother in the passenger seat and getting stopped for gay driving. Or imagine being paraded on crime fighters as a suspected homosexual based on an ‘anonymous tipoff’ and being beaten into a confession. Shit, in future you could be committing a felony by listening to Take Care or @ replying Big_Jamaal. A political activist would be easier to jail as a suspected gay man or woman instead of trying to convict him/her as a political dissident. Nigerian footballers would most likely serve jail time based on the amount of ass smacking we see on the pitch when they play.

This just adds to the growing list of absurdities found in our constitution. The criminal code of this country says the worship of some types of juju is illegal. When the NDLEA said Baba Suwe was using ‘strong juju’ to keep him from excreting  drugs, they could have arrested him, brought him before a Nigerian Court Judge under the charges of illegal juju practices and a TRIAL would commence. Evidence would be presented and witness testimony heard before a verdict would be given. Are we actually ready for the gay trials? The courts are already packed full with legitimate cases and we decide to add this nonsense to the pile.

The painful part of this is that, this doesn’t actually do anything really. Gay people were never going to get married in Nigeria anytime soon. They wouldn’t even have wanted to in this current climate. In the future, when the Nigerian people become more tolerant of ‘the gays’, the law would be amended. All this has achieved is remind us that our elected representatives are not concerned with real national issues and by having nothing else to do, they may be quite bored in their offices & assembly halls. Getting the country to invest in providing mobile devices preloaded with Angry Birds for our legislators, could just be the shrewdest use of taxpayer Naira ever. At least, we wouldn’t be the object of international ridicule.

Nigeria Lost

The Nigerian Senate keeps losing on so many fronts.

For a country with bigger problems, like Boko Haram, this is a damn shame. A big fucking shame.



Sunday, November 27, 2011

The One Interview To Rule Them All

Remember that Tonto interview? The full thing is out. Enjoy!


PS: What's with that shitty theme song anyway? 

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Comment Section Wisdom

Another post about teh ghey on Linda's blog, even more brilliance in the comment section.
 Rashidi Williams, a gay man, works on his laptop in Lagos, Nigeria. When a gang of men beat him up earlier this year, the 25-year-old gay Nigerian was too afraid to report the attack to police or even his family. Doing so would only create more problems, he says, in this country where legislators are now seeking to criminalize gay marriage. Here in the megacity of Africa's most populous nation, Williams says he doesn't even know of any gays or lesbians who would want to get married given the added safety risks it would bring.


Cheap publicity? He "wants more beating"?

Homosexuals are suddenly not deserving of safety?

I think Sugabelly wrote something last year about how homosexuality was actually prevalent in "the days of our forefathers".

Live and let live, people. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Linda Has Arrived!

Bloggers blogging about being blogged about. I guess there's still hope for my reality show.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Best Interview Ever?

Must. Watch. Full. Interview.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Panic! Teh Ghey Invade...Again

Linda Ikeji put up something about gay marriage. The comments are funny and because I'm such a good person, I've decided to share.


Am I the only person that finds it funny when Nigerians say "a gay"? Like "are you a gay?" Cracks me up every time.

Monday, November 7, 2011

These Aren't The Leaders Of Tomorrow

So @TheBlackHermit sent these to me on twitter. It's his fault. All his fault. Forward your complaints to his twitter. While you are at, remind him of the guest post he owes us. thx.

I hate the internet.

Are they trying to sing this song from that one Hitchcock movie? Why is that little girl pronouncing "sera" as "Sarah"? Where are their parents? Does this count as child abuse in some countries? I just want some answers. I don't know why this thing is on the internet without any explanations. The lead singer looks like someone is forcing her. Like she won't get to eat meat with her rice at lunch. I'm serious, look!

Look at the despair in her eyes, bro. She had to be forced. I just want to hug her and give her my second meat. I'm sad. 

(Sidenote: Why is the other girl excited? Does she think she's about to become a superstar or something?)

There's more...

I think the budget was bigger on this one. Look at the effects. They're flying and whatnot. They even got Dipsy and Po to make a cameos. I wonder why they didn't invite Tinky Winky and the other one. Oh, I forgot. Christians don't like teh ghey. My bad.

Is that Jesus?



Saturday, November 5, 2011

What Is This?