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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Music Mondays: Conscious Music Is Hot In Nigeria

Hello, people - I'm back. Sorry for abandoning this blog for the sake of music from far-off places, but I'm back and I want to try and make amends. I'll try and post some music here every Monday, because we all need something to make us feel better at the beginning of the week, and it's good to avoid substance abuse.

So ever since Nigeria's version of "We Are The World", "Maga No Need Pay" came out last year, the Nigerian music scene has seen a revival of sorts. It's like everyone suddenly woke up and said "Shit, our country SUCKS. What can we do about it?" Musicians are talking. And it's a relief for me, knowing that I can come back into the Nigerian music scene and not only have to hear "Girl u so fyn, I wanna tek u hom" or "I pop bottle den pour am for ground, I be rich like so".

And it's not just within the country too. I recently stumbled upon this song from Chiddy Bang, a somewhat random pop/hip-hop duo that got famous remixing MGMT's "Kids". (If you don't know who MGMT is, that's okay. They were hot with the hipsters for a while, made nice music. The end.) It turns out that the black half of this swirled duo, is an Igbo dude by the name of Chidera Anamege, aka Chiddy.* And when he went back to his hometown this year as he does every year, he recorded some footage and used it as the music video for their track, "Sooner or Later", which is his contribution to the conscious Nigerian music scene. It's your typical Chiddy Bang track, featuring a sample from Fela chopped and stir-fried to create something new and awesome. Check it out below:

I love his parents at the end. So cute.

A lot of people like to think that Nigerians in the diaspora have nothing to say about their country simply because they've left. Well, let me say something about that. I still get harrassed at the airport because people who carry my passport or have names like mine have become internationally known for blowing things up (or attempting to). I fear for my family and friends back home, because one day, out of the blue, they might get kidnapped and I won't be able to do a thing except pray that they don't get killed or raped or tortured. I may be abroad, but the only thing that's keeping me here is the tentative trust that I won't go apeshit and try and kill some people because apparently, that's what Nigerians do. I carry Nigeria with me everywhere I go -ion my face, in my passport, in my blood, in my name and in my heart. If I can't say anything about it, then who can?

End rant. More to come.

Kudos to for the info. I've been waiting for a blog site on African music since I moved away, and this year my prayers were answered. Check it out for the latest on music from the continent.

*This is usually the part where I hate on the Americanization of a perfectly easy to pronounce name, but I'm too caught up with the original name. Chidera Anamege. Awesome name. A certain disciplinarian at my secondary school would have a field day with that one.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Only in Nigeria

Found this on facebook today: Woman gives birth to snake in Umuahia

It sure sounds unbelievable, but a young woman has been delivered of a snake in Umuahia. The woman delivered the scary reptile on Wednesday following hours of intense prayers at the Eternal Sacred Order of Cherubim and Seraphim Church, along Eze Ogbulafor Street, Umuahia, Abia State.

Chairman of the Organisation of African Instituted Churches (OAIC) in Abia state, Apostle Emmanuel Agomoh, who is also the head of the Eternal Sacred Order of the Cherubim and Seraphim in the state said a priest, Apostle Uche Ugwu had engaged himself in hours of prayers to cause the delivery of the snake from the private part of the 35-year-old lady whose names are being withheld.

The snake, said to have been programmed into the woman’s womb since her secondary school days, was headless and tailless.
The incident, which has become the talk of the town, happened around 5p.m. on Wednesday at the church premises.

Daily Sun learnt that the young lady hails from Olokoro in Umuahia South LGA.
She was said to have delivered the snake like a woman under labour following prayers by the priest that everything that was not of God in her should come out of her body. The incident attracted a large crowd.
Apostle Agomoh said the snake forced itself out of the woman’s private part with the intention of attacking Apostle Ugwu. The cleric’s younger brother, however, was able to kill the animal.

The cleric said the woman came to the church on Monday for prayers following the pains she had been experiencing all over her body since she was in secondary school. According to him, it was at this juncture that one of the prayer warriors in the church Apostle Ugwu conducted the prayers that forced the snake out of her body.

“As I was praying and calling on whatever was inside the lady to come out, the lady was writhing in pains. The snake even wanted to attack me until my brother here killed it with the stick,” Ugwu told our reporter.
He said such miracles happen very often in the church. “But we don’t advertise it and we don’t use any fetish things here. We only engage in prayers,” he said.

Daily Sun learnt that the lady, who is still in shock is currently recuperating in her village


Oh and I lol'd @ "Eternal Sacred Order of the Cherubim and Seraphim"

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Formspring Spam

Sorry about the formspring spam. Some minor technical issues

Monday, October 25, 2010

P. Whales & Lollyheart

Extra late pass on this one

Think your daddy is a crook? Not sure? Confirm now.

The EFCC put out a fraud blacklist of all Nigerians incapable of running for office. Seeing as I am running for president, I had to check if my father's name was there. I don't want anything to ruin my campaign and whatnot.

Download the file here

Full story here

I found this hilarious btw


Found this on my twitter feed today.

Those goddamned two faced yoruba people!!!!!

You pay for jobs now?

Found this article this morning. I'm sorry but the shit is hilarious. A couple of folks got an employment letter from some company for a job they didn't apply for. They were told to pay a certain amount on resumption or something. I'm sorry but these people are stupid. I think the scammers should be given some kind of award for being able to find people that stupid.

If a person who spent four years in the university can be stupid enough to pay for a job, then that person deserves to be hoodwinked
- Onyekachi Ukwuoma


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Fine girl kosi pimple at all

Super late pass on this one.
Unidentified gunmen, on Wednesday, abducted Lakshmi Tombush, the Principal of Mobil Pegasus Schools, Eket, in Akwa Ibom.

The News Agency of Nigeria reports that a police orderly attached to the victim and her driver were shot dead and abandoned in her car on Grace Bill Road in Eket. The gunmen reportedly overtook and blocked the victim's car, abducted her and sped off in their car to an unidentified destination in the early hours of Wednesday.

Onyeka Orji, the spokesperson for Akwa Ibom Police Command, said the police have begun investigations into the affair. He expressed regret over the death of the police officer in the incident, and promised that the perpetrators of the act would soon be apprehended and brought to book.

The abductors have not contacted the family of the hostage.

The corpses of the slain driver and police officer have been removed from the scene of crime and deposited at the Immanuel Hospital Mortuary in Eket in Akwa Ibom.

Pegasus Schools is funded by Mobil Producing Nigeria, the operator of the MPN/NNPC Joint Venture in Akwa Ibom. The school was built to cater for children of staff of the oil giant and some members of its host.

Found this on twitter today. I went to school with her daughter. Please keep her in your prayers.


An open letter from an entitled Lagos child

So I read this and like usual, I'm salty.
If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear country, then pls, pls let begin now and teach them to work hard so they can stand alone and most importantly be content....not having to "steal"....which seem to be the norm these days.

Pls pass it on and you are welcome to join the group.

Subject: An open letter to middle-class parents in Lagos


“30 is the new 18”. That seems to be an unspoken but widely accepted mindset among the last 2 generations of parents in Nigeria .
At age 18 years, a typical young adult in the UK leaves the clutches of his/her parents for the University, chances are, that’s the last time those parents will ever play “landlord” to their son or daughter except of course the occasional home visits during the academic year.
At 21 years + or -, the now fully grown and independent minded adult graduates from University, searches for employment, gets a job and shares a flat with other young people on a journey into becoming fully fledged adults.

Wait, isn't this what most entitled kids in the diaspora are doing? Don't UNILag kids do this too? iConfuse. I have a job and I share a town home with 3 other entitled kids. My digs are fancy though, I should pictures up. We have this fish tank with blue lights and whatnot. That thing brings all the girls to the yard, if you know what I mean.

I can hear the echo of parents saying, well, that is because the UK economy is thriving, safe, well structured and jobs are everywhere? I beg to differ and I ask that you kindly hear me out.

I am UK trained Recruitment Consultant and I have been practising for the past 10 years in Nigeria . I have a broad range of experience from recruiting graduates to executive director level of large corporations.

In addition, I talk from the point of view of someone with relatively privileged upbringing. Driven to school every day, had my clothes washed for me, barred from taking any part-time job during my A-levels so that I could concentrate on studying for my exams?!
Oh, you were an entitled kid too? What school did you go to? Loyola? Grange? Olashore? Adesoye? I might have friends that went to school with you. You know how we entitled kids roll, we always know someone that knows someone.

BUT... I got the opportunity to live apart from my parents from age 18 and the only time I came back home to stay was for 3 months before I got married

Quick question, broseph. Did you "live apart from your parents" because of college? The 3 months you stayed with your parents, was that when you finally moved back to Nigeria?

Am I saying that every parent should wash their hands off their children at age 18? No, not at all. Of course, I enjoyed the savings that I made from living on and off at my parent’s house in London – indeed that is the primary reason for my being able to by myself a 3 bedroom flat in London at age 25 with absolutely no direct financial help from my parents!

Dannng!!! If it aint Mr. Big Ballin'. You got financial help from your parents because they didn't charge your ass rent while you stay at their digs. If you paid rent, you wouldn't be able to "by" yourself a bedroom flat in London at the age of 25. Why is "bying" a 3 bedroom flat at 25 a big deal anyway? My roommate last year owns a house now. He's 23 and works for the Boys' Scouts. He's a poor bastard too.

For me, pocket money stopped at age 22, not that it was ever enough for my lifestyle to compete with Paris Hilton’s or Victoria Beckham’s. Meanwhile today, we have Nigerian children who have never worked for 5 minutes in their lives insisting on flying “only” first or business class, carrying the latest Louis Vuitton ensemble, Victoria ’s Secret underwear and wearing Jimmy Choo’s, fully paid for by their “loving” parents.

Now I see why you're vexed. You weren't as entitled. Awww...poor baby. Did you go to ISL or one of those razz schools? Speaking of LV, I got these gorgeous LV loafers the other day. It was on sale for like $500 too. Such a steal!

I often get calls from anxious parents, my son graduated 2 years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please assist! Oh really! So where exactly is this “child” is my usual question. Why are you the one making this call dad/mum?

I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and me, chances are that big boy is cruising around Lagos with a babe dressed to the nines, in his dad’s spanking new SUV with enough “pocket money” to put your salary to shame.

Was that my mum? She always does things like that. She still thinks I'm her little boy. She's such a helicopter mother. But, how do you know the kid hasn't been applying for jobs? Those things are online anyway. You're probably Igbo that's why you don't know. I don't blame you, it's not your fault.

It is not at all strange to have a 28 year old who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but “earns” a six figure “salary” from parents for doing absolutely nothing.

Hey! That's a legit job. I'm my mother's personal assistant and I earn every damn kobo of that six figure salary.

I see them in my office once in a while.... 26 years old with absolutely no skills to sell, apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad’s secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent conversation and we get to the inevitable question - so, what salary are you looking to earn? Answer comes straight out - N250,000. I ask if that is per month or per annum? Of course it is per month. Oh, why do you think you should be earning that much on your first job? Well, because my current pocket money is N200,000 and I feel that an employer should be able to pay me more than my parents. I try very hard to compose myself...

See how I know you're Igbo, you think only a secretary can write a resume. You are just mad cuz I gots mad skillz on the computer. I deserve that six figure salary because of that alone. I ghostwrite the emails my mother sends to me. That's talent. Oh and the driver is not mine,he's my mother's. She told me to drop me off at your joint because I have no car. That's sorta why I need the job, so I can buy a car.

Overparenting is in my opinion the greatest evil handicapping the Nigerian youth. It is at the root of our national malaise. We have a youth population of tens of millions of who are being “breastfed and diapered” well into their 30s.

Even though the examples I have given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa!

Wake up mum! Wake up dad!

You are practically loving your children to death! No wonder corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been brought up to expect something for nothing... as if it were a birth right.

I want to encourage you to send your young men and women (anyone over 20 can hardly be called a child!) out into the world, maybe even consider reducing or stopping the pocket money to encourage them to think, explore and strive. Let them know that it is possible for them to succeed without your “help”.

Take a moment to think back to your own time as a young man/woman, what if someone had kept spoon feeding you, would you be where you are today?

(Author's name witheld)

Dear "Author's name witheld",
Entitled Lagos Child

People need to quit acting like entitled kids are a Nigerian thing. NEWSFLASH! Rich kids everywhere have an unwarranted sense of self entitlement.
It's not some new phenomena either, it has been happening for a long time. Lucky Igbenedion, do you think he wasn't entitled? Do you think his dad didn't "make" him governor? Get over your damn self righteous self. You'd think the author worked his way up from a houseboy to that flat in London.
Does this look like the face of a man that's work a day in his life? Ok, maybe he kinda does. He's ugly as hell.

Oh and FYI, middle class parents can't afford giving their kids 200k a month.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Afrocandy is back

This is supposed to be explosive video she promised us?

Dear AfroCandy,
Please can you go and ride bicycle somewhere? You are a #dead guyyss now. Before you go, please give your budget to Majela?


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

5 Star Chick