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Friday, December 31, 2010

Oh Sheeiit!!! New Majela Jams!!!!!

Not one but two!!!!!

The first one is for William and Kate. She wants Will's penis in her vagina, pretty much.



She has like a whole new beat and whatnot. I think she hooked up with Don Jazzy for this one and I heard D'Banj might be on the remix. IDJA!! She switched up her wardrobe too. No more "cyclers" now.

The next one is dedicated to Barack and God's own country. I don't think Michelle would be too cool with her approach though. At least, she apologized. Such a classy woman.



She has a tiara on in this one, as the queen of pussy, vagina, and gentalia. Anyone notice how she's wearing less clothes with each video? When she performs in bra and pant, I think the interweb might just explode. She also thanks her fans in this video but she doesn't shout Eve out. Maybe they have some super secret collabo in the works.

Guess Why She's Single

'

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Happy Friday!

My mates are setting p around town, I'm here putting up posts. My reward will be great somewhere

Monday, December 27, 2010

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!!



Merry Christmas, people! Excuse me while I go distribute hampers to the visitors.  As for those idiots in Jos...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

That's What She Said...

What he said...


Your Minister of Information said this on AIT last night.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Eve's Cousin is Famous!!!



In depth interview with Eve's long lost cousin aka Majela.

PS: Mobitel internet is such a power move. I actually watched this youtube video without having to wait for it to buffer.

Happy Friday!

I'm in the good ol' country. Had to get on that blackberry thing because even the driver had a pin. From the looks of it, nothing much has changed. Oh well...

Monday, December 13, 2010

What did Santa have for lunch?



Eve's long lost Edo cousin is back again. She's back with a brand new jam just for the season although I'm pretty sure the name of the song is illegal in at least 23 countries.

Happy Monday!

Better late than never. Enjoy!
Deeper. Than. Rap.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Bookneto

I told you that I know ambitious people. Our very own E has launched Bookneto, a web-based peer learning platform. In English, it's like facebook mixed with Dropbox for school nonsense. Students can upload academic material and share with that peers. I just wish this came out when I was a freshman because I can't count the number of times I've tried looking for equivalent classes in other schools because my professor sucked.

Press release below,

Friday, December 10, 2010

Nigeria Keeps Losing

Story HERE
As long as those two men have defiled the laws and tradition of the land, they will have no option but to face the penalty in order to appease the land and protect the history of the people now and for generations to come

Appease what fucking land? And the UN isn't helping matters either.

Live and let live.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Whose "angels"?

For the last five years, I’ve hated this time of year. The half assed articles from shit journalists, the patronizing facebook statuses, and now the patronizing tweets. I have a confession to make, I hate when non-LJC people talk about the sixty “angels” we lost. To be clear, I consider friends and family of the Loyola Jesuit College community to be “LJC People”. The journalists, the shit rappers, and public figures? Yeah, those are the ones I hate.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

#Ijebuism

I usually make fun of Igbo people and their inability to use computers, I guess it's time for Yoruba people to get in on the action. Someone started this #ijebuism TT #NigerianPeopleTwitter and some of them are pretty hilarious. These are my favorites,

Friday, December 3, 2010

Nigerian Idol



The Poors Have Vexed

I wasn't going to do a post on this initially because I wasn't sure of the credibility of the whole thing. I'm still not sure of the whole thing so I'm just going to shut my mouth. Maybe I'm afraid of being brushed too. Anyhow, here's a cliffnotes version:

Word on the street is that some minister's kid decked some girl at a club.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Happy Friday!


Enjoy your weekend!

Sanusi vs Your Daddy: Round 1

School has been killing me so I haven't really been up to date with affairs in the mother country. Apparently, some epic shit went down at the National Assembly the other day.

Does anyone remember this guy with the sweet bowtie that could pass for my uncle with more hair?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Finally!

So I have this constant beef with anyone who writes a blog, or organizes an event or does anything, labels it "global" and then refuses to include Africa, when Africans are everywhere. This was a pet peeve of mine on my college campus, especially since our African Students' Association was pretty active, and it's extended to the blogosphere, as I continue to see people ignoring the people on the continent who are contributing to global culture. So it was with great joy that I saw that MTV's global music blog, MTV Iggy did a feature on Ego, a newcomer to our "Afro 'n; B" scene in Naija. It's a pretty good piece of reporting, which impresses me more because it means they're not just putting it on the blog for show - they're actually interested in covering the African music scene on the blog. Check out the article here, and if you're late to the Ego party like I am, check out the late-summer jam Thinking About You featuring Harrysong below.



Methinks our girl is giving Afro Kendy a run for her money ;)

More Dirty Secrets


I did a post on this movie earlier. According to some random "respected" actor, Tonto Dikeh aka my wife, doesn't fear God. Who is Charles Okafor anyway? I only know RMD, James Ikechwukwu, and that really ugly Segun guy.

Sesame Square


Yam monster tho? You go fear renaming. Why couldn't they use four-corner-okin monster? I actually want to watch it though. There should be an "Oscar the Grouch" character too. Call him "Okoro too Vex" or something. Make him live on the streets since streets double as dustbins in Nigeria anyway.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Friday, November 19, 2010

VIDEO OF NOLLYWOOD ACTRESS BEING ASSAULTED BY OUR ONE AND ONLY USELESS POLICEMEN/OLOKPAS..

I dont know if u guys have heard of  Ufuoma Ejenobor. Heard she's a popular Naija actress, and she was recently (like 2 weeks ago) assaulted in public by the policemen attached to convoy of the Lagos State House of Assembly Speaker, Adeyemi Ikuforiji. The incident was caught on tape, and after watching it, all i gotta say is that the woman really gave them a run for their money...and at the same time I swear this lady na 1st class TOUT!!!!...DAYUM



Thats Naija for u...the land were even the craziest of people wear coat and tie :)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Reason #1684025 you shouldn't make a religious leader president

Nigerians used to be the most educated people in the world until the likes of  Abacha and the Murtala Muhammed came and scattered our educational system to slow  down the South so that the North can catch up, instead of speeding up the North
Paul Adefarasin, Senior pastor of House On The Rock.

 How do you endear yourself to the Northern half of the country? Call them stupid. I can totally imagine Obama calling all Americans below the Mason-Dixon line "inbred hicks". It would do so much for his approval ratings.

Tact, this man has none of it.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Dear Dora

....please ride bicycle somewhere abeg

-Full Story Here

Do you see Gordon Brown complaining about "Blighty"?

Black Gold



This doesn't look half bad, TBH. Isn't Billy Zane the guy from that one episode of "Charmed"?

Nollywood on the come up? Did AfroCandy audition for this? I can totally see "ikebe na money" being on the soundtrack.

Happy Monday!



Apparently, Aunty Afro wasn't lying when she said she was a Nollywood superstar.


EDIT: Whoever uploaded it disabled embedding so it requires a trip to YouTube. Trust me it's worth it.
If you are too lazy, I've added a video explaining the picture. Enjoy!




Have a great week, folks!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Foreign Ororo



ChiChi: But it is smelling!
Johnbull: What is smelling? The smell does not mean anything.

Sule: We hope the fish will come, as in another one will come again so we can pounce on it.

What is "loose stools"?



Sea pork?

Sea elephant?

Octopus?

I don't think I can. I can't be able.

Live aquarium. Moses. Red sea. Sign from God.

No, I really can't be able. I want to give my regular commentary but this is too much for me to handle tonight. I can't top this. Can somebody autotune this for me? Especially the "sea pork" part.

E is famous on the interwebz

One of our writers got some pub in Y! Naija for their "10 Most Influential Nigerians under 20" thing.

E, we gast wash this one

Happy Monday!

Happy 150th post to us too

Friday, November 5, 2010

Kele Kele


- "Galang" - MIA (2005)


- "Rude Boy" - Rihanna (2010)


- "Kele Kele" - Tiwa Savage (2010)

I'm not saying anything

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Mr. Chairman



Most of you might not know Sazzy or his music but I honestly wish you did. I only had like 5 or 6 songs from him but he was clearly ahead of his time. I use past tense because I heard he died recently, gone too soon like Da Grin. This is one artist that definitely deserved mainstream shine. May his soul and the souls of the other faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

PS: Anyone have any clue where Ash-Thomas is? "Simi See Trouble" was such a great song.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Festival of Slaps



hahahahahah

#dead^infinity

Monday, November 1, 2010

CP-Africa on Bellanaija

Nmachi Jidenma, founder of CP-Africa, was interviewed by Bella Naija. It's pretty much one of those "Hey, who and what are you" type interviews. It's a good read and whatnot but that's not what this post is about. I usually jump straight to the comment section because that's where all the wisdom on Bella Naija is stored.



Pardon my french but what the fuck is up with Nigerians and their crabs-in-a-fucking-bucket mentality?

Oh well

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Music Mondays: Conscious Music Is Hot In Nigeria

Hello, people - I'm back. Sorry for abandoning this blog for the sake of music from far-off places, but I'm back and I want to try and make amends. I'll try and post some music here every Monday, because we all need something to make us feel better at the beginning of the week, and it's good to avoid substance abuse.

So ever since Nigeria's version of "We Are The World", "Maga No Need Pay" came out last year, the Nigerian music scene has seen a revival of sorts. It's like everyone suddenly woke up and said "Shit, our country SUCKS. What can we do about it?" Musicians are talking. And it's a relief for me, knowing that I can come back into the Nigerian music scene and not only have to hear "Girl u so fyn, I wanna tek u hom" or "I pop bottle den pour am for ground, I be rich like so".

And it's not just within the country too. I recently stumbled upon this song from Chiddy Bang, a somewhat random pop/hip-hop duo that got famous remixing MGMT's "Kids". (If you don't know who MGMT is, that's okay. They were hot with the hipsters for a while, made nice music. The end.) It turns out that the black half of this swirled duo, is an Igbo dude by the name of Chidera Anamege, aka Chiddy.* And when he went back to his hometown this year as he does every year, he recorded some footage and used it as the music video for their track, "Sooner or Later", which is his contribution to the conscious Nigerian music scene. It's your typical Chiddy Bang track, featuring a sample from Fela chopped and stir-fried to create something new and awesome. Check it out below:


I love his parents at the end. So cute.

A lot of people like to think that Nigerians in the diaspora have nothing to say about their country simply because they've left. Well, let me say something about that. I still get harrassed at the airport because people who carry my passport or have names like mine have become internationally known for blowing things up (or attempting to). I fear for my family and friends back home, because one day, out of the blue, they might get kidnapped and I won't be able to do a thing except pray that they don't get killed or raped or tortured. I may be abroad, but the only thing that's keeping me here is the tentative trust that I won't go apeshit and try and kill some people because apparently, that's what Nigerians do. I carry Nigeria with me everywhere I go -ion my face, in my passport, in my blood, in my name and in my heart. If I can't say anything about it, then who can?

End rant. More to come.

Kudos to okayafrica.com for the info. I've been waiting for a blog site on African music since I moved away, and this year my prayers were answered. Check it out for the latest on music from the continent.

*This is usually the part where I hate on the Americanization of a perfectly easy to pronounce name, but I'm too caught up with the original name. Chidera Anamege. Awesome name. A certain disciplinarian at my secondary school would have a field day with that one.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Only in Nigeria

Found this on facebook today: Woman gives birth to snake in Umuahia

It sure sounds unbelievable, but a young woman has been delivered of a snake in Umuahia. The woman delivered the scary reptile on Wednesday following hours of intense prayers at the Eternal Sacred Order of Cherubim and Seraphim Church, along Eze Ogbulafor Street, Umuahia, Abia State.

Chairman of the Organisation of African Instituted Churches (OAIC) in Abia state, Apostle Emmanuel Agomoh, who is also the head of the Eternal Sacred Order of the Cherubim and Seraphim in the state said a priest, Apostle Uche Ugwu had engaged himself in hours of prayers to cause the delivery of the snake from the private part of the 35-year-old lady whose names are being withheld.

The snake, said to have been programmed into the woman’s womb since her secondary school days, was headless and tailless.
The incident, which has become the talk of the town, happened around 5p.m. on Wednesday at the church premises.

Daily Sun learnt that the young lady hails from Olokoro in Umuahia South LGA.
She was said to have delivered the snake like a woman under labour following prayers by the priest that everything that was not of God in her should come out of her body. The incident attracted a large crowd.
Apostle Agomoh said the snake forced itself out of the woman’s private part with the intention of attacking Apostle Ugwu. The cleric’s younger brother, however, was able to kill the animal.

The cleric said the woman came to the church on Monday for prayers following the pains she had been experiencing all over her body since she was in secondary school. According to him, it was at this juncture that one of the prayer warriors in the church Apostle Ugwu conducted the prayers that forced the snake out of her body.

“As I was praying and calling on whatever was inside the lady to come out, the lady was writhing in pains. The snake even wanted to attack me until my brother here killed it with the stick,” Ugwu told our reporter.
He said such miracles happen very often in the church. “But we don’t advertise it and we don’t use any fetish things here. We only engage in prayers,” he said.

Daily Sun learnt that the lady, who is still in shock is currently recuperating in her village

DEEEEEEEP!!!!

Oh and I lol'd @ "Eternal Sacred Order of the Cherubim and Seraphim"

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Formspring Spam

Sorry about the formspring spam. Some minor technical issues

Monday, October 25, 2010

P. Whales & Lollyheart

Extra late pass on this one

Think your daddy is a crook? Not sure? Confirm now.

The EFCC put out a fraud blacklist of all Nigerians incapable of running for office. Seeing as I am running for president, I had to check if my father's name was there. I don't want anything to ruin my campaign and whatnot.

Download the file here

Full story here

I found this hilarious btw

Perception

Found this on my twitter feed today.



Those goddamned two faced yoruba people!!!!!

You pay for jobs now?

Found this article this morning. I'm sorry but the shit is hilarious. A couple of folks got an employment letter from some company for a job they didn't apply for. They were told to pay a certain amount on resumption or something. I'm sorry but these people are stupid. I think the scammers should be given some kind of award for being able to find people that stupid.

If a person who spent four years in the university can be stupid enough to pay for a job, then that person deserves to be hoodwinked
- Onyekachi Ukwuoma

Hahaha!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Fine girl kosi pimple at all



Super late pass on this one.
Unidentified gunmen, on Wednesday, abducted Lakshmi Tombush, the Principal of Mobil Pegasus Schools, Eket, in Akwa Ibom.

The News Agency of Nigeria reports that a police orderly attached to the victim and her driver were shot dead and abandoned in her car on Grace Bill Road in Eket. The gunmen reportedly overtook and blocked the victim's car, abducted her and sped off in their car to an unidentified destination in the early hours of Wednesday.

Onyeka Orji, the spokesperson for Akwa Ibom Police Command, said the police have begun investigations into the affair. He expressed regret over the death of the police officer in the incident, and promised that the perpetrators of the act would soon be apprehended and brought to book.

The abductors have not contacted the family of the hostage.

The corpses of the slain driver and police officer have been removed from the scene of crime and deposited at the Immanuel Hospital Mortuary in Eket in Akwa Ibom.

Pegasus Schools is funded by Mobil Producing Nigeria, the operator of the MPN/NNPC Joint Venture in Akwa Ibom. The school was built to cater for children of staff of the oil giant and some members of its host.
-Link

Found this on twitter today. I went to school with her daughter. Please keep her in your prayers.

Thanks

An open letter from an entitled Lagos child

So I read this and like usual, I'm salty.
If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear country, then pls, pls let begin now and teach them to work hard so they can stand alone and most importantly be content....not having to "steal"....which seem to be the norm these days.

Pls pass it on and you are welcome to join the group.

Subject: An open letter to middle-class parents in Lagos

To: lagosparents@googlegroups.com

“30 is the new 18”. That seems to be an unspoken but widely accepted mindset among the last 2 generations of parents in Nigeria .
At age 18 years, a typical young adult in the UK leaves the clutches of his/her parents for the University, chances are, that’s the last time those parents will ever play “landlord” to their son or daughter except of course the occasional home visits during the academic year.
At 21 years + or -, the now fully grown and independent minded adult graduates from University, searches for employment, gets a job and shares a flat with other young people on a journey into becoming fully fledged adults.

Wait, isn't this what most entitled kids in the diaspora are doing? Don't UNILag kids do this too? iConfuse. I have a job and I share a town home with 3 other entitled kids. My digs are fancy though, I should pictures up. We have this fish tank with blue lights and whatnot. That thing brings all the girls to the yard, if you know what I mean.


I can hear the echo of parents saying, well, that is because the UK economy is thriving, safe, well structured and jobs are everywhere? I beg to differ and I ask that you kindly hear me out.

I am UK trained Recruitment Consultant and I have been practising for the past 10 years in Nigeria . I have a broad range of experience from recruiting graduates to executive director level of large corporations.

In addition, I talk from the point of view of someone with relatively privileged upbringing. Driven to school every day, had my clothes washed for me, barred from taking any part-time job during my A-levels so that I could concentrate on studying for my exams?!
Oh, you were an entitled kid too? What school did you go to? Loyola? Grange? Olashore? Adesoye? I might have friends that went to school with you. You know how we entitled kids roll, we always know someone that knows someone.

BUT... I got the opportunity to live apart from my parents from age 18 and the only time I came back home to stay was for 3 months before I got married

Quick question, broseph. Did you "live apart from your parents" because of college? The 3 months you stayed with your parents, was that when you finally moved back to Nigeria?

Am I saying that every parent should wash their hands off their children at age 18? No, not at all. Of course, I enjoyed the savings that I made from living on and off at my parent’s house in London – indeed that is the primary reason for my being able to by myself a 3 bedroom flat in London at age 25 with absolutely no direct financial help from my parents!

Dannng!!! If it aint Mr. Big Ballin'. You got financial help from your parents because they didn't charge your ass rent while you stay at their digs. If you paid rent, you wouldn't be able to "by" yourself a bedroom flat in London at the age of 25. Why is "bying" a 3 bedroom flat at 25 a big deal anyway? My roommate last year owns a house now. He's 23 and works for the Boys' Scouts. He's a poor bastard too.

For me, pocket money stopped at age 22, not that it was ever enough for my lifestyle to compete with Paris Hilton’s or Victoria Beckham’s. Meanwhile today, we have Nigerian children who have never worked for 5 minutes in their lives insisting on flying “only” first or business class, carrying the latest Louis Vuitton ensemble, Victoria ’s Secret underwear and wearing Jimmy Choo’s, fully paid for by their “loving” parents.

Now I see why you're vexed. You weren't as entitled. Awww...poor baby. Did you go to ISL or one of those razz schools? Speaking of LV, I got these gorgeous LV loafers the other day. It was on sale for like $500 too. Such a steal!


I often get calls from anxious parents, my son graduated 2 years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please assist! Oh really! So where exactly is this “child” is my usual question. Why are you the one making this call dad/mum?

I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and me, chances are that big boy is cruising around Lagos with a babe dressed to the nines, in his dad’s spanking new SUV with enough “pocket money” to put your salary to shame.

Was that my mum? She always does things like that. She still thinks I'm her little boy. She's such a helicopter mother. But, how do you know the kid hasn't been applying for jobs? Those things are online anyway. You're probably Igbo that's why you don't know. I don't blame you, it's not your fault.


It is not at all strange to have a 28 year old who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but “earns” a six figure “salary” from parents for doing absolutely nothing.

Hey! That's a legit job. I'm my mother's personal assistant and I earn every damn kobo of that six figure salary.

I see them in my office once in a while.... 26 years old with absolutely no skills to sell, apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad’s secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent conversation and we get to the inevitable question - so, what salary are you looking to earn? Answer comes straight out - N250,000. I ask if that is per month or per annum? Of course it is per month. Oh, why do you think you should be earning that much on your first job? Well, because my current pocket money is N200,000 and I feel that an employer should be able to pay me more than my parents. I try very hard to compose myself...

See how I know you're Igbo, you think only a secretary can write a resume. You are just mad cuz I gots mad skillz on the computer. I deserve that six figure salary because of that alone. I ghostwrite the emails my mother sends to me. That's talent. Oh and the driver is not mine,he's my mother's. She told me to drop me off at your joint because I have no car. That's sorta why I need the job, so I can buy a car.

Overparenting is in my opinion the greatest evil handicapping the Nigerian youth. It is at the root of our national malaise. We have a youth population of tens of millions of who are being “breastfed and diapered” well into their 30s.

Even though the examples I have given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa!

Wake up mum! Wake up dad!

You are practically loving your children to death! No wonder corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been brought up to expect something for nothing... as if it were a birth right.

I want to encourage you to send your young men and women (anyone over 20 can hardly be called a child!) out into the world, maybe even consider reducing or stopping the pocket money to encourage them to think, explore and strive. Let them know that it is possible for them to succeed without your “help”.

Take a moment to think back to your own time as a young man/woman, what if someone had kept spoon feeding you, would you be where you are today?



--
Regards,
(Author's name witheld)


Dear "Author's name witheld",
Signed,
Entitled Lagos Child

People need to quit acting like entitled kids are a Nigerian thing. NEWSFLASH! Rich kids everywhere have an unwarranted sense of self entitlement.
It's not some new phenomena either, it has been happening for a long time. Lucky Igbenedion, do you think he wasn't entitled? Do you think his dad didn't "make" him governor? Get over your damn self righteous self. You'd think the author worked his way up from a houseboy to that flat in London.
Does this look like the face of a man that's work a day in his life? Ok, maybe he kinda does. He's ugly as hell.

Oh and FYI, middle class parents can't afford giving their kids 200k a month.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Afrocandy is back


This is supposed to be explosive video she promised us?

Dear AfroCandy,
Please can you go and ride bicycle somewhere? You are a #dead guyyss now. Before you go, please give your budget to Majela?

Signed,
Management

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

5 Star Chick



hahahahahah

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Nigeria is 50!!! Pop Son'tin!!!!


Some people are going to go all deep today and whine about how Nigeria is a "fool @ 50". All those negative Nonsos are just bitter no one is inviting them to chop party rice. I don't blame them. If I had to spend independence day on my own, I'd be mad too. As for me and my house, we are celebrating 50 years in style.
Beer pong? No, we are playing palmwine pong. Suya on deck. I flew some Hausa people to get it done right. As a bigz boys, I gast represent.

On a serious note though, I hear people talk about how they are ashamed to be Nigerian and how Ghana has taken our spot (tufiakwa). You can miss me with all that. I'm proudly Nigerian, probably jingoistic too. I can't think of anything I'd rather be. Ok, I lie, I'd rather be Brazilian. Bros, Brazilian babes toh behd!!! But that's a story for another day on another blog under another name.

Nigeria is bigger than the people in power. These people will come and go but Nigeria will still be here. Nigeria needs her people to be proud of her. There may be some moments of extreme hand-fallage...


...but there are times she makes us proud.

If you ever feel embarrassed to be Nigerian, look at the bright side, you aren't Ghanaian. 

Happy independence day, Nigerians. 

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

All I do is Ping! Ping! Piiiiiing!

Blackberry Anthem by Bit Benders by cp-africa.com


I. Have. Died.

BONUS:

Facebook Love


BB Pin - Mr. Montana

"Your girl see how my face looks, then she adds me on facebook. I give her my pin and I ping her, then she follow me on twitter"

- WizKid on "Jonzing World"

Monday, September 27, 2010

Z on Bella Naija

This was going to be an epic post but I just did Controls homework and I think a part of me died in the process so bear with me.

I sorta did a post on Z a while ago and in case you didn't know this, she's my hero. She has this post on BellaNaija about being gay/queer/i-don't-know-the-appropriate term and Nigerian and it's a pretty good read. She was also on Vera's radio show thingy about pretty much the same thing. 

What was I going to say again? I think my brain just froze. If you have kids, let them follow their dreams and major in basket weaving because this engineering thing is not the business. It feels like I have dementors standing over me or something.

I'll just do my regular screencap thing, good?
Bella Naija has the wisest people in the comment section. I think should post my homework on there one of these days. I'm pretty sure someone will do it for me.

Does sodomy include anal and oral sex?

Sugabelly showed me some thing about how pre-colonial Igbo people partook in homosexual relations. Yes, I giggled after writing that last sentence. Speaking of religion, I'm pretty sure that came from the "west".  Why are we so selective as to what we "take from the west"? Random note, why do the British get included with the "west"? Shouldn't they be like the "north" or something? I digress, again.



hahahahahahahahahhahaha 


I posted this on Z's blog but I'll reiterate it. 
Yeah, so you know how in the bible it says a man shall not lie with another man the way he lies with a woman? What if that means a man cannot have vaginal sex with a woman? Makes sense, no? I mean, it's just trying to state the obvious in case some guy wanted to try it.

Why wasn't homosexuality included in the 10 commandments? Why are Nigerians more accepting of an adulterous man or thief than a homosexual? The bible clearly says, "Thou shall not commit adultery" but a man cheating on his wife is not as bad a gay one. There are people that routinely go against the 10 commandments but they get a pass. When a gay person comes around, it's a taboo and an abomination. People lie and steal but the bible doesn't get whipped out as fast. If being gay is a sin, why is it bigger sin compared to lying, stealing, and adultery? The things the Lord explicitly said we shouldn't do. 

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Arguing on teh interweb

I won't lie, somedays I wake up and I want to argue. Yesterday was one of those days. It all started with this little status update by Chxta

Being the hater that I am, I chip in my little $0.02 and it began.








Bono is still a pretentious cunt and I still don't like Oprah. Aren't internet arguments fun?

*PS: If you spot one or two #gbagauns, forgive me. I sabi speak English. We suppose argue for Igbo.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

IBB is gully




Summary

  • He did the right thing for that June 12 thing. You disagree? You don't know shit.
  • Abacha stabilized the country.
  • Regret? What are you talking about? He "accepts" responsibility not regret.
  • Nigerians judged him unfairly.
  • You mad? Move the f*ck on, negroes.
  • He is running because he has a bullet in him for the country.
  • Rigging? He doesn't do all that illegal nonsense. Each vote will count, especially the 6 million from his village
  • He promised a "free and fair" election and he delivered. 
Snap Judgement

Nosa's take
I'd vote for him before I vote for Chris Okotie, I know that much. I can't help but admire the man's not-give-a-shit-tery. When I grow up, I want to be like him. Nigerians, the man took a bullet for our beloved country. That alone warrants out votes. Would Jonathan or Okotie take a bullet for Nigeria? Hell no. The only reason he doesn't get my full support is because I'm running for president. I'm a better candidate and  if I wasn't running, I'd be on his team. 

On a serious note, I believe the man has every right to run and he deserves our attention. I read about protests when he declared and I was pretty disappointed. Nigerian youth, for the most part, are a bunch of empty barrels and you know what they say about empty barrels. Everybody is a pundit on the internet but when it comes down to it, nobody votes. If you disagree, head to the polls and prove me wrong. All those rallies in London and New York aren't worth anything if nobody votes. All those albums we help eLDee sell aren't worth anything if nobody votes. If you really want change, go out and make that change. It doesn't matter if you think the elections are going to be rigged. The fact you go out and vote makes it harder to rig compared to when you don't. 

...and if you don't like the candidates, vote for me. I promise change you can believe in. Trust me, I have enough quarters for your laundry and vending machine needs.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Majela Zeze Diamond

'

It's your girl, Majela, Eve's long lost Nigerian sister. I always knew Eve was Nigerian, I just didn't have proof. I remember watching her first video and I was wondering why she was fully clothed and whatnot. I guess someone relayed my message because she's definitely stepped up her game. Either that or she watched the "Ikebe Na Moni" video. I know she's Edo and she's in Italy. I don't have proof to support this either claim but I'm willing to bet my goats on it.

The "cyclers" she has on are a nice touch. Back in the day, seeing a girl's cyclers was the main thing. This was before I thought reaching first base was achievable. You'd call your homeboys and tell them the great news. Like every hater, your homeboys would call you a liar. You give them a vivid description and like all haters, they'd get all jealous/bitter/salty.
"Aint my fault yo ass aint in strategic cycler spotting locations. Quit hating, nigga"

BONUS


PS: She's doing it for the lulz. If you are taking her serious then you, like a lot of people, are stupid.

Nigerians are so sensitive

Lots of posts today, eh? Well, these should last you for a bit because school is about get real. Hopefully Alex, Sugabelly and Mellowyel get to work. Speaking of Mellowyel, she's graduated so she should be jobless and things.

Anyway,


harsh, no?

Hon. Patrick Ob-thenameislongabeg

So Sen. Patrick Obahiagbon has a twitter. It's a fake account obvs but the lulz are endless.

 
But you know what's even funnier? People fighting with fake twitter accounts.


She suppose call am standard bastard  


This brings me to probably the funniest bit, you know that fake AfroCandy account? I ran it. Most fun I had all summer. Moral of the story: people are stupid.