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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Dear Ghana

Dear Ghana,

Please go somewhere and kill yourself. I will not give you the attention you crave. I don't care how much better your universities are or that Obama came to your country. Obama is an asshole anyway and he still hasn't taken Nigeria of that stupid list. You don't deserve my hate. I hate the United States of America, the Confederate States of America, the red half of Liverpool, North Korea and every other non-Englsh speaking country (especially France).

Your food sucks. Your movies suck. Your music suck.

Quit trying.

Go away


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

No Condom, No Action

As Nigeria's leading interweb smut scholar, I feel it is my duty that I present this monumental trailer to you. Last time we visited this topic, we discovered that the movie in question was Ghanaian. And as you already know, nobody really gives a shit about Ghana.

Seriously though, Ghana is like that little brother that refuses to go away. I really dont care if you guys now have a half decent soccer team or that your currency isnt rubbish anymore.


I digress.

That sound you heard was of Nigerian morality purveyors coming up with new ways to deny this. If Obama had such spin doctors, we would probably believe the US economy was perfect and walking on water was possible (No Jesus).

After watching this trailer, I think I want to watch this movie. Thats a lot, you know? The only Nigerian movie I can sanely recall watching was Jenifa. And we can all agree that Jenifa was teh shit.

Sulilat kan! Aiyetoro kan! Awon bigz ghels!

Why on earth wouldnt you want to watch this movie? There are two nipple slips between 0:21-0:26, woman-on-man rape at 0:30, small dick blowjob at 0:34, and multiple gross make-out scenes.

...reward them with bitterness. May their dicks shrink!

I lold.

If what I have learnt from trailers is true, we have something of a gem here. Unless it goes the way Book of Eli went.

OMAGAH!!!! Teh horror!!!11!!

Book of Eli was horrible. Oh noez!!!

I seriously doubt it can be that bad though. It requires a special amount of talent to produce a truly shitty movie and directors of such movies usually have a special spot reserved in hell (see Spiderman 3).

And I think someone read my last post on this issue. The girls are halfway decent. After a couple of drinks...lets not go there.

EDIT: So the video has been removed from Youtube for "violating terms of use." Meaning that it's too pornographic. So much for Nigeria's high moral standards. - Mellowyel

SUPER EDIT: I think there's a conspiracy to to maintain Nigeria's squeaky clean moral image. No, scammers just make us greedy not immoral. I will not stand for this tyranny. If Ghana can put out porn, albeit for attention seeking purposes, why can't we?
-Nosa (from his really cool phone)

PS: You see the green thing on the side that says Follow Us? Click it. I know you have a twitter, quit lying. Support the blog and click it.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Stuff Nigerians Like: Having Imaginary Presidents

Maybe now everyone will let the Vice President do his fucking job.


Stuff Nigerians SHOULD DO:  Arrest Turai Yar'Adua.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Obama, faux objectivity and teh self righteouz

This is about as serious as it will get from me this year. According to the Washington Post,

The department's Web site lists Cuba, Iran, Sudan and Syria as state sponsors of terrorism. A senior administration official identified the following as terrorism-prone nations or countries of interest to U.S. intelligence agencies: Afghanistan, Algeria, Iraq, Lebanon, Libya, Nigeria, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Somalia and Yemen

Yeah, you read that right. Between Libya and Pakistan was Nigeria. No mistakes there. Note that Nigeria is now “terrorism prone”. All this is based off of one incident, the pata bomber. This announcement reeks of all sorts of knee jerk if you ask me. Nigeria has suddenly gone from scam prone to terrorism prone because of one boy.

Let’s recap,

A Nigerian boy with a Yemeni mother begins developing extremist Islamic views while attending British International School, Lome (Not Nigeria). He then moves to England to study engineering at UCL (Not Nigeria). While at UCL, he becomes president of a radical Islamic association with a proven track record of producing terrorists. However, until recently none were Nigerian. The boy moves to Yemen (Not Nigeria) to continue his education and terrorist training. He buys his ticket in Ghana (Not Nigeria) and travels via Nigeria. A couple weeks before this, his father (a Nigerian) reports his errant son to US authorities. The rest of the story, you know.

Sounds like Nigeria is an ally here, doesn’t it? I mean if Nigeria as a nation is profiled based on this one boy, why can’t we be profiled based on his father?

Increased scrutiny of traveling Nigerians is expected but placing Nigeria a list with Afghanistan, Iraq and Yemen equates us with those countries. It is Obama’s way of saying Nigeria is now “the enemy”. Oh, notice how I dropped Obama in there? Shocked you, didn’t it? I bet you were in agreement and suddenly went “WTF”. I know, it’s awesome. It’s like I jumped out from behind out and screamed “Boo”.

There’s no way Obama didn’t have prior knowledge of this bullshit before it was put out.

Wait...what did you say?

The DHS/TSA makes tons of autonomous decisions just like every other department chaired by the president’s cabinet.

So he has no veto power? Do you really think he'd let them implement something he doesn't agree with? Let's not be naive here but I don't think a president is that 'hands-off'. Especially something of this great a magnitude, there's no way in hell Obama did not have prior knowledge of it. That’s why I called out Obama and unless he suddenly comes out and denies having prior knowledge then he is the only person I’ll attack...and also because he’s the biggest fish. I believe this is an action a president trying to move up the popularity polls. Obama probably knows that the nation has figured out the depth of his incompetency. If Black People Twitter (you should google that) has taught me anything, nothing’s changed. What was niggardly, still is.

The Inspector General of Police, Ogbonnoya Onovo said this,

In light of all this, the Transport Security Administration of the United States is hereby called upon to de-list Nigeria from the countries of interest. Nigerian travellers to the United States need not be subjected to extraordinary hardship. There are no security issues in the country. The new policy is unfair. There are convicted terrorists who are American, British and Belgian citizens, and this fact has not made the TSA regard either Britain or Belgium as a country of interest. For the avoidance of doubt, I would like to point out that Hamid Hyat, who was convicted in April 2007 of terrorism, is an American. Richard Reid, who is serving a life sentence in the United States for attempting on December 22, 2001 to bomb an American commercial plane flying from Paris to Miami, is a British citizen. His collaborator, Nizar Trabelsi, is Belgian.
If the American authorities could not add Britain and Belgium to the list of countries of interest, then there is no objective reason to include Nigeria. We may be deeply religious, but certainly we are no suicide bombers or terrorists. Both the Nigerian government and the people abhor fanaticism. We have zero policy tolerance towards Al Qaeda in Nigeria. We strongly condemn unequivocally all kinds of terrorism.

Now that is one fucker with half a brain.

Speaking of brains, there is a growing population of Nigerians without one. These people suddenly feel it’s Nigeria’s fault for this fuckery. Blaming Yar’ Adua’s absence, our 419 reputation and the Niger-Delta unrest for all this.

Teh Sef Righteouz and their faux objectivity.

Aye! Listen here, fuckers. None of that had anything to do with the decision. None of that shit was ever a factor, from the bombing to the repercussions. Don’t sit on your fucking computers in America and rant all over facebook about how fucked Nigeria is. WE ALREADY KNOW THAT SHIT. If you want to do something, go back home and do it. You talking all this schit but are you gonna bang doe?

Monday, January 4, 2010

New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year!

This year should be a big year for SNLoveHate and we promise to update regularly. We've been slacking for a while now and this year won't be like the last...hopefully.

The emails will also be checked regularly so feel free to voice your complaints or suggest ideas. We are also open to people doing guest posts on the blog too.

UPDATE: We got a twitter. Follow us!