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Thursday, March 29, 2012

ChamPAYNE what?

A Reality TV Series that documents the life of Toni Payne; a Public Relations Executive, Entertainment Consultant, Online Radio Owner, Socialite, Makeup Brand Owner and Mother.

Who is Toni Payne?

Why does she get a reality show before I do?

I've been lobbying for my own reality show for like....forever. My life is super interesting, I am devilishly handsome, and I have the most beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen. WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?

Forget me for a second, isn't this the first Nigerian reality show? Forget Big Brother, that was a little to real. I mean like "Jersey Shore" real. I had waaaay better ideas.

For The Love of Linda - Self explanatory. Trying to find a husband for serial spinster, Linda Ikeji. I already made a promo poster and everything.

The Island - show chronicling the lives of several rich kids that live on the Island. Must have attended a private secondary school and gone to college in America or England. Nobody cares about Canada.

Noble Headmaster - Follows Noble and his BFF, Ebuka, on their various Lagos exploits. It'll be like Noble's blog in real life. We might have to pay some women to find him attractive, however.

Buj - about several aristo girls in Abuja their sugar daddies. A bit like those "Real Housewives of ..." shows. I'm surprised no one has came up with this one already/

Real Housewives of Festac - Hahahaha jk jk. Nobody cares about the mainland.

Commenter battles - we get commenters from Aunty Linda's blog and Ladun's blog. Make them fight to the  finish.

So yeah,
"ChamPAYNE Life" can eat shit.

Monday, March 19, 2012

My Daughter Is Probably Studying Right Now...


She took it like a champ. Got right up and went back to work.

Doesn't Davido have just 3 songs? He gets shows in other countries off that? Can't even knock his hustle.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Reason #373093 You Aren't Married


Inner beauty is what counts, women!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

I'm So Confused

Can someone please tell what's going on here? I'm really really confused. It's not like she was aiming for her mouth and missed.
Is this like a "thing"? Can someone in the know explain?

Sidenote: She has great tits.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Aunty Linda: Relationship Expert

Spinster of year, Linda Ikeji, dropped some gems on twitter yesterday.

Gossip blogger by day, relationship counselor by night.


Not all doom and gloom, however.


Burnnnnnnnnn. Take it, hater. Whoever you are.


Casting for "For The Love of Linda" is starting anytime soon. Candidates should fire us an email.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Dear Gossip Bloggers

Nobody is forcing you to put up anything. 
You don't have to explain anything to us. Just post your trash and keep it moving.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Witch For Jesus

You guys have probably heard about the whole "Witch For Jesus" thing.  Full bants here

This is the actual event,

Pastor bragging about it,

But, that's not the point of this post. I want you guys to listen to this

I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life. I'm in tears.

This Really Happened

Isn't PM News one of the top 5 papers in Nigeria? This is really on their website. Seriously.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

So...about Ibori

You guys should know about the Ibori case by now. If you don't, catch up here.

Too lazy to click?

Well, he stole about $250 million while in government.


Yes, seven zeros.

But, that's not all. Apparently, he didn't plead "guilty". Or he did, but not really.
Ibori did not want a long-drawn trial where Nigeria’s name would be bandied about in a foreign court.
-Tony Eluemunor (Ibori's Media Assistant)

Ibori loves Nigeria so much that didn't want Nigeria's name trashed in foreign court. However, stealing $250,000,000 is totally cool.

Yes, seven zeros.

Roongroj Saengsastra, the 33rd richest man in Thailand, is worth $250,000,000.
What matters to Ibori is that all corruption charges were dropped by the London Police for lack of evidence. Any claim that any corruption charge he is facing is pure propaganda. He did not plead guilty to any corruption charge.
Propaganda? Really? This is propaganda?

Dr. Dre (producer extraordinaire, part owner of those Beats headphones) is worth $250,000,000.
The British and the Nigerian establishments have been driving this case to a pre-determined end, and a battle weary Ibori was advised to plead guilty, end what had promised to be a long-drawn trial, and begin to rebuild his life which had been tossed about in an ocean of legal controversy and trials because of politics— since 2003, that is nine long years ago. Also, Ibori did not want a long-drawn trial where Nigeria’s name would be bandied about in a forign court.
God, these people must think we're stupid.