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Wednesday, January 21, 2009


As you may have noticed, our blog has changed a bit. It’s gone from “Stuff Nigerians Hate” to “Stuff Nigerians Love/Hate”. My publisher decided “Hate” was too restrictive of a word and my publisher is a fucking hippie. Not really…I don’t have a publisher either but I am planning on writing a children’s book if this engineering thing doesn’t pan out. Actually, I’m not planning on doing any of the writing either. I’m leaving that for Loila and Sugabelly since they like writing and kids (I guess).

What was I talking about again?

Oh, changes…yea changes. God I hate that word. Obama pretty much butt fucked the hell out of that word…arghh. I decided to add the “Love” part (well, I consulted Loila too) because I didn’t like the singular direction that this blog was taking. Also, the change was made to accommodate some contributors. They happen to be in a very happy place right now and would love to write about rainbows and pink fucking bunnies.

Well, that’s about it. Regular posting should resume once we get a hang of school and decide on what classes we want to fail.

Before I forget, I would like to change my stance on the whole Nigerians and sex thing. Someone sent me to some gossip rag about Nigerians in England. After going through most of the posts (as difficult as it was), I realized Nigerians are not as uppity as I thought. It’s just the ones in my 30 mile radius.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Rant No.7 - Aunty X and Uncle Y

Every Nigerian has one: the Uncle that is only called to family meetings in order to be chastised; the Aunty a few years older than you that always seems to be in trouble; the words your most often hear them described by are deviant, wayward, and... gasp!... Black Sheep! Occasionally you might hear 'deliverance' in reference to them. They are often the youngest child of your grandparents on whichever side, or a distant cousin from the village.

Whenever they visit, there's always a story but they're nice to you, they're cool, they live life with aplomb and you watch them live it helplessly because you're caught between your fear of your family and your desire to join them on the dark side because, disapproving family reputation or not, you are undeniably attracted to the sheen of their rebellion.

On the other hand, they might be the completely wrong sort. They steal, they're rude, they're uneducated, half the time they're shagging the housemaid or the cook, and worst of all they smell. They wear your clothes, your jewelry, use your stuff and always seem to be asking you for money, even though they're way older than you. In extreme cases, they're forty-five and still won't move out. In your desperation you become the perfect child and study as hard as you possibly can so you can get into the best school as far away as possible to escape the possibility of ever even remotely imagining them again.

All Nigerians have a special love-hate relationship with these two. Most people have one or the other, but if you've been lucky or unfortunate enough to have both, then more power to you and I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall of your house.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Rant No.6 - Dating

I see that the title of our beloved blog has been changed to Stuff Nigerians Love/Hate. I am sure that sorts out the whole Nigerians are not haters thing. We are both haters and lovers. One example of the love-hate(ness) of Nigerians is dating also known as "courtship." Definition (my definition): The period between being single and getting married. Dating is a complex thing in Nigeria.

As this blog is prone (no apologies we cannot help it as we speak from our own experiences) to mild to severe generalizations, Nigerians are weary of the whole dating scene. Nigerian parents have a way of trying to prevent their children from being a part of the dating world yet they claim to want grandchildren before they are their graves. Understandably, they do not want their kids gallivanting around having unprotected sex and making illegitimate children. In essence they do not want them making the mistakes they or members of their "extended" family made. Which is understandable but in the defense of the adolescents such as myself, if dating is incorporated willing, then kids will keep on bed hopping and where would we be?

Correct me if I am wrong (I am sure you will) I believe that dating done right is good dating. So when parents say you cannot date until you are 18 or 21 or some ridiculous age tell them there are 12 year olds making babies. The human body becomes aware of the desires for the opposite sex way before 18 or 21. Not letting kids date or becoming acquainted with the opposite sex in the right environment may not be the best thing after all.