Before I begin, #NigerianPeopleTwitter got hip to planking yesterday. I'm just going to save everyone the stress and put out the press release for the federal government.
Back to the business of the day.
So there I was standing beside a TALLER man, who drives a RANGE ROVER and who was probably in love with the babe I was thinking of making the mother of my children.
Look on the bright side, Noble. You have a bigger head and probably more chest hair. That's what women are into these days. As for the Range Rover...it's not environmentally friendly, bitches love environmentally friendly.
I tried to convince myself that Zoba did not seem like a materialistic person. I mean she’s from a rich home and would likely go with the man with a bright future – ME.Bright future. Chest hairier future. Same difference.
But then, there areWhether na one naira...
novery few women out there who are willing to pitch their tent with a “starter”. You may not admit it but the days of “We can start life in your BQ apartment” are far-gone and are now replaced with “It’s better to cry in a RANGE ROVER than on a bike”. I know some of you may be thinking that I’m preaching modest beginnings because of Iti’s RR, you are wrong… but not totally wrong.
...I was in no mood to discuss anything long with Iti. I know his type and what they can do. He may want to start treating me like Zoba’s younger brother and that may include suggestions such as paying for my drinks and so on.Paying for drinks. Taking you to Ice Cream Factory. Buying you recharge card. Yeah, it could get super weird.
So Chidi was not only tall and richer, going by the phone call, he had also been approved by Zoba’s mum.Approved by the mother? Yeah, you are shit out of luck, Noble. No amount of chest hair can trump that one.
Immediately we got to her room. He put the bags inside the wardrobe, opened the bathrooms to check what he did not put there. Trust me, I was not beefing but dude was over doing the boyfriend stuff.
And as if that was not enough, he then asked what we would like to have for lunch?Damn. Did he just shit on Noble's suggestion? Chidi is harsh, yo.
Zoba: Buzor, what do you suggest?
Nobs: It depends. I don’t know how much African food that you’ve had but if you need something Nigerian, I’ll suggest Jevenik.
Chidi: I don’t think she will like Jevenik. It’s usually for people who eat a lot and I think they cook with White maggi. You have to be careful with the food you eat here in Lagos because of food poisoning. I will suggest we order the plantain and snail here. It’s really good and filling.
Zoba: Buzor, is that any good?WASHEEEEN!!!!!!
Nobs: That’s good too.
Zoba: Chidi, I’m suspecting you ooo. You have not even stayed that long in Nigeria since you moved back and you already know all the restaurants and the type of seasoning they use.
Chidi: Biko, afom dim nkpa but none of them can even compare to your cooking.
Zoba: Nobs, your mum said you play in entertainment, what area?Hahahahahahah. ZING!
Chidi: Ah I don’t know any of your songs.
Nobs: It’s because they only play my songs at Jevenik restaurant.
By that time, I’d had it and was about to go all rude on him when she walked in.Ooooooh. I wonder who "she" is.
Biola walked into the restaurant with Amala following her behind as if I was not having a bad day already.Amala again? What does Noble look like again?
Ok, I just needed to jog my memory a bit.
Chidi: Oh boy, nna. You just dey enjoy this town alone with your madam.Well...this could get interesting.
Amala: It’s not like that
Biola: Hey Nobs
Chidi: Oh you know each other.
Iti, Amala and Biola on the same table? I don’t go to church every Sunday but I prayed and asked God to deliver me....and this week's prayer point is....