Yes, someone peed in my cereal this morning.
The last time we were with Oliver De Coque looking Lothario, he was experiencing some premature problems.
Jenny’s phone rang. She picked it and that was when Kim suggested that we should take it to the balcony. She got a condom,slipped it on me and just as she was to guide it in,the unexpected happened ……I guessed Noble got a little too excited.
The condom tore..I was wrong.
Nobs: boo, I don’t know who your boyfie may be dicking without protection, before mmadu ebute something.Noble, this is the second time we’re telling you. Wozzrong with you? Pack condom!
Kim: Olodo, why are you speaking language for me. You should have come with condoms.
Nobs: maybe you should go down to the reception and get some but I can’t promise you this hard on will be waiting sha.Wake up the dead?
Kim: Nobs, I even think my mouth can wake up the dead. Leave that part for me.
Jenny: Wow. So are we still on tomorrow?Bad goiz moves.
Nobs: I‘ve got loads of things to do but I can make out time for you.
Jenny; Me? Alone?
I was about to say yes but I didn’t want to make it obvious that I was interested in her.
I tried this "not interested" thing on some girl one day. Didn't work obviously, I'm not Noble. In my mind, I was running mad game. In reality, she just needed a scantron for her test. #TheStruggle.
Then there was a knock on the door. Jenny got the door, Kim walks in followed by Chioma.Wait. Kim, Jenny, and Chioma. Only one Noble. Foursome? How do those even work? I understand the logistics of a threesome but a foursome? Does the extra person wait for set? Does she tap in a la WWF style? Does she update Noble's twitter as he does his work? Maybe she records the conversation for the blog. Yeah, that makes the most sense.
Kim: Nobs, meet my friend, Chioma
Chioma: We know each other
Kim: It’s a small world
Nobs: It is. Hey Chioma, how’s J girl?
Chioma: She’s fine ooo. We should all hook up soon.
Nobs : Kim,can I see you for a minYou know that part in those American action feems that you start feeling sorry for the boze? Yeah, this is it.
Kim : Sure hun
We walked back to the balcony
Nobs : I feel used.
Nobs: I feel like a homeless dog in a close feeding off from all the kitchens in my neighbourhood and that’s not a good feeling.Wait.
Kim : Are we still seeing tomorrow like you promised JennyThis is the part we remember the boze is actually a bad guy and we stop feeling sorry.
Nobs : I didn’t promise anything but I won’t mind hanging out with Jenny
Kim : Alone?
Nobs : Yup
Kim : That won’t happen . You left me hanging and now you are talking about hanging out with Jen alone.ELA OJU KAN!!!
Nobs: You know what? Have a good night.Teek vex!
Awww. Real tears. Real unicorn tears.
I walked out and straight to the elevator. For the first time in a long time, I felt used.
I got into my car and decided that someone have to pay for the blue balls. I picked up my phone and called someone that I’ve not called in a while$5, he calls Ada. Any takers?
Male voice : HelloOh. My bad.
Nobs : Good Evening, please I’ll like to speak with Biola
Male voice : hold on, please what’s the name?Wow. This thing that they're doing to Noble? Eeeez not fair o!
Nobs : Noble
I overheard him saying “ baby, there’s a certain Noble on the phone for you” and guess her response “Baby,tell him that I am sleeping”
I didn’t wait for his response, I hung up. When it rains, it pours. Maybe I need to change my waysNOOOO!!!!!!
Don't change, Noble! If you change, how will you entertain us? Nobody wants to read about your monogamous life with Ada. Ain't nobody checking for that shit. Anyone seen Alfie? Is Noble beginning to question his "shallow self-indulgent lifestyle"?