Memoirs of a Nobskid VII

I wasn’t going to put this up initially. The whole “lets make fun of Nobs” thing is getting tired, especially the “hob nobs” jokes on twitter. The “hob nobs” jokes were funny at first, then #NigerianPeopleTwitter over did it. It went from playful jokes to personal attacks on Noble. This might sound a bit rich coming from me, but there’s a very thin line between funny and malicious. Most of you whorebags were being downright malicious.

Yes, someone peed in my cereal this morning.

The last time we were with Oliver De Coque looking Lothario, he was experiencing some premature problems.

Jenny’s phone rang. She picked it and that was when Kim suggested that we should take it to the balcony. She got a condom,slipped it on me and just as she was to guide it in,the unexpected happened ……

I guessed Noble got a little too excited.

The condom tore..

I was wrong.

Nobs: boo, I don’t know who your boyfie may be dicking without protection, before mmadu ebute something.
Kim: Olodo, why are you speaking language for me. You should have come with condoms.

Noble, this is the second time we’re telling you. Wozzrong with you? Pack condom!

Nobs: maybe you should go down to the reception and get some but I can’t promise you this hard on will be waiting sha.
Kim: Nobs, I even think my mouth can wake up the dead. Leave that part for me.

Wake up the dead?

Jenny: Wow. So are we still on tomorrow?
Nobs: I‘ve got loads of things to do but I can make out time for you.
Jenny; Me? Alone?
I was about to say yes but I didn’t want to make it obvious that I was interested in her. 

Bad goiz moves.
I tried this "not interested" thing on some girl one day. Didn't work obviously, I'm not Noble. In my mind, I was running mad game. In reality, she just needed a scantron for her test. #TheStruggle.

Then there was a knock on the door. Jenny got the door, Kim walks in followed by Chioma.
Kim: Nobs, meet my friend, Chioma
Chioma: We know each other
Kim: It’s a small world
Nobs: It is. Hey Chioma, how’s J girl?
Chioma: She’s fine ooo. We should all hook up soon.

Wait. Kim, Jenny, and Chioma. Only one Noble. Foursome? How do those even work? I understand the logistics of a threesome but a foursome? Does the extra person wait for set? Does she tap in a la WWF style? Does she update Noble's twitter as he does his work? Maybe she records the conversation for the blog. Yeah, that makes the most sense.

Nobs : Kim,can I see you for a min
Kim : Sure hun
We walked back to the balcony
Nobs : I feel used.

You know that part in those American action feems that you start feeling sorry for the boze? Yeah, this is it.

Nobs: I feel like a homeless dog in a close feeding off from all the kitchens in my neighbourhood and that’s not a good feeling.

Wait.

Kim : Are we still seeing tomorrow like you promised Jenny
Nobs : I didn’t promise anything but I won’t mind hanging out with Jenny
Kim : Alone?
Nobs : Yup

This is the part we remember the boze is actually a bad guy and we stop feeling sorry.

Kim : That won’t happen . You left me hanging and now you are talking about hanging out with Jen alone.

ELA OJU KAN!!!

Nobs: You know what? Have a good night.

Teek vex!

I walked out and straight to the elevator. For the first time in a long time, I felt used. 

Awww. Real tears. Real unicorn tears.

I got into my car and decided that someone have to pay for the blue balls. I picked up my phone and called someone that I’ve not called in a while

$5, he calls Ada. Any takers?

Male voice : Hello
Nobs : Good Evening, please I’ll like to speak with Biola

Oh. My bad.

Male voice : hold on, please what’s the name?
Nobs : Noble
I overheard him saying “ baby, there’s a certain Noble on the phone for you” and guess her response “Baby,tell him that I am sleeping”

Wow. This thing that they're doing to Noble? Eeeez not fair o!

I didn’t wait for his response, I hung up. When it rains, it pours. Maybe I need to change my ways

NOOOO!!!!!!
Don't change, Noble! If you change, how will you entertain us? Nobody wants to read about your monogamous life with Ada. Ain't nobody checking for that shit. Anyone seen Alfie? Is Noble beginning to question his "shallow self-indulgent lifestyle"?

WEEK 48