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Monday, May 16, 2011

Memoirs of a Nobskid VI

Two straight Nobs related posts.

Well damn.

Nobs is like my muse now.  Nobs, if you ever want a biography done, can I do it?

Best book cover. Ever. 

Sidenote: I wonder if women play with Noble's chest hair mid coitus. think that's creepy? Don't act like you weren't thinking it either. Stop lying. Anyway, back to our story.

I was totally confused and didn’t know what to do but then, did you expect me to pack condoms to a family function?
Err...yes. You're Noble Igwe. Cassanova extraordinaire.   Plenty women want to make sex with you
I looked over at Queen, she had pulled up her dress and all I could see behind her full ‘tomato-Jos‘ body was a pink thong 
"Tomato-jos"? Que? Somebody care to explain?

Queen: We don’t have time
Nobs: Erm I couldn’t find any condoms
Queen: And we’ve been apart for too long to trust each other.
Nobs: I’ve been good
Queen: common shut up you little big-headed slut. I read your diary on your site.
Oh. She went there.
Yeah, she went there.
Queen : No one is getting a free pass on this. I’m so turned on too.
Nobs : So now, you are going P square on me?
Queen: How ?
Nobs: Do me, I do you.
No, Noble. This is poor, even from you. "Do me, I do you"? No bueno.

Queen: Hey Nobs
Nobs: Hey Queen. What’s up?
Queen: Nobs, I got talking with Amara and I also did some serious thinking. I suggest that we forget about hooking up tonight. I really think we got carried away earlier today. If we are ever going to come back together, I want something serious. We made a lot of mistakes but we can correct them as adults.
Nobs: I’m so sorry if you think I tried taking advantage of you earlier today. I guess I still have feelings for you. I do want a relationship too but I want it to be right and not close to what we had in the past.
This Amara dude is a standard bastard. Or maybe it wasn't Amara. The other day, my buddy told that if you masturbated before you saw an ex, you think clearly. Maybe Queen masturbated. Maybe Amara is the name of her rabbit. Maybe.
Saturday May 14,2011.
I woke tired and craving popcorn from the Galleria, so I decided to go get some. On my way back I got a call from Kim
Kim : Two  of my girlfriends are in town and we are having fun with  the boys.
Nobs: Nice
 I see where this is going.
Kim : This is my friend, Joy and she wants to meet you.
Aha! I was right.

This is Joy, 

 I wish people introduced themselves to me with tidday pictures. But why no face tho? These heaux! Don't fall for it, Nobs. All na scamz.
Kim : How would like being in the company of 3 naked girls?
This Kim babe obviously runs a brothel. Not like I'm judging or anything. My name is not Judy.
I was excited and scared at the same time. I’ve never been with 3 chics but I wasn’t sure if they would have a camera planted. 
Noble sextape? No, ma'am. I don't think I want to watch Oliver De Coque Lite have sex with women. Wait. What am I saying? My shameless ass would probably watch it.

Kim : come let me show you how much of you that I have missed.
Kim grabbed me and started kissing me, then one after the other she took off every piece of clothing on me. I didn’t try to stop her but I was also looking behind to make sure that Jenny wasn’t pointing her phone at us. Kim went on her knees and put me in her mouth. 
 Mills & Boon swag. Tales by Moonlight flow.

(*Note: I'm mad Noble doesn't refer to his penis as his "member").
It was bliss and when I thought I had seen it all, Kim said
Kim : Jenny, come and assist me with the balls.

Jenny : Kim,you know that I have not asked you for anything?
Kim : What do you want?
Jenny : Will you let him take me?
Kim : Not tonight
Jenny; Not just tonight? why?
Kim : maybe tomorrow
Jenny : Are we all hooking up tomorrow?
Kim ; Nobs?
Nobs : We can decide all that later.
Do women beg to be "taken" by you? No? Reason #12348938 why Noble > you.
Jenny’s phone rang. She picked it and that was when Kim suggested that we should take it to the balcony. She got a condom,slipped it on me and just as she was to guide it in,the unexpected happened ……


  1. O my goodness, this is way better than the memoirs itself. I am laughing out loud at work. Kai, the guy is sha reckless o and brave too. In this day and age, we still sleeping with randoms like that? Nobs, you psquaring chics, hope you sabi dental dams? No judgment sha, just be careful.

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHA.... I haff died. too many quotables in this post...
    "Oliver de Coque lite" lol
    "mills and boons swag, tales by moonlight flow"

    I don't even read memoirs again..i just get all my gist from here...

  3. I swear i want to bow down and say THANK YOU!!!

    If you ever stop i will hunt you down and force you to write!

  4. And I'm back again.

    Really Random....Bless!

    That 'Olive De Coque lite'....I haf died!!!

    Oga you do well...

  5. Hey Nosa,
    Nice 1.
    When I catch you,I'll show you some Oliver swag.

  6. mehnnnnn...dis memoirs is becoming like crack
    3 to 1= strong thing!loll
    i'm so cuming back

  7. smh!! I bet he adds sugar and salt to the real story to make it juicier. Girls dnt beg to be "taken" jst like that.. he's not Colin farell for heck's sake!

  8. OMG!!! LHAKMD *laff has actually killed me...die!!!!!* ahahahahahaha!

  9. I think the whole Nobs thing is just disgusting and pretty immature, and I also find it hard to believe he records his convos or has superhuman memory. It's just my opinion sha.

  10. "Jenny, come and assist me with the balls."

  11. Noble is going to show me some "Oliver Swag". Is that a good or bad thing?

  12. Where has this blog been all my life...I have been reading for an hour now...yall r totally sick! (I mean that in d best way possible) and ur interpretation of the nobs great work of fiction that he calls his memoirs? Top notch!