Little Kids Stranded

Again, I'm doing World Cup previews over at SportsDEY. You'll probably like it even if you don't have the faintest clue how soccer works. Trust me. I need you guys to check it out so SuperSport can hire me and we can take Victor Ikpeba off TV forever. Also, so I can buy my trad with crest.

Anyway...

Linda Ikeji asked the following question on her blog a while back,

You are driving on a lonely bridge late at night (in Naija o)...let's say around 11pm, and you see two little children - say 5 and 2, on the side of the bridge just sitting there crying...would you stop your car to pick them up or just continue driving? Why would you pick them up? And why wouldn't you?

Personally, I wouldn’t pick them up. I’d let them die there. Why? Because I hate little kids. They cry. They scream. They don’t listen. They are dirty. I honestly can’t remember the last time I flew and I didn’t want to flush a crying child down the toilet. Ever seen a mother, near tears, beg her child to use her “inside voice”? Ever seen aforementioned child completely ignore that request and run off screaming. Yes, little kids are the absolute worst. This is not up for debate. Sure, you can spank them in Nigeria, but have you seen them cry? They can’t even cry with dignity! Why do you have snot all over your face because you’re crying? Why you cry neatly? Have your tears stream down in an orderly manner?

Anyway, I digress...

Valid point, Nneotta-Sally. Why should they be out at that time? Well, it’s because kids are evil. They’re probably the armed robbers.

Sounds about right, anonymous-person-on-the-internet. It’s probably kids transforming to armed robbers though. Those imps can really do anything. 

Soooo...you’re not going to pick them up, Anon?

My dear, pearlzville T.O, you really don’t know what you’re signing up for. No amount of prayer can stop children from being the worst. Your mind won’t be at ease because they’re guilt tripping you. 

Exactly what I said! You’re like in my mind, HighJ. Twinsies!

And there you have it. Don’t pick up little demons stranded on a bridge at odd hours like my friend, Beauty, suggests.