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Saturday, July 9, 2011

Memoirs of a Nobskid X

Memoirs are up. I forgot to check. The usuals.

Many of you here do not know the importance of our Lord’s prayer but believe me it works wonders. I did not know what to expect from Biola considering what happened between us the last time she came to my house. I know some of you may be thinking, “Karma has finally caught up with him” but believe me, I know Karma and I’ve seen her a lot at De Marquee. She goes around with different men and still comes around.

Does she have man? Does Karma have a BB pin? Will she hook up with a guy #withoutanL?

Biola: Yes, I know him just like every other girl.

Chidi: Oh really. And I was thinking that no one knows his music.

Damn. I'm even feeling sorry for Noble now.

I looked at Zoba who was just staring at me and then I took a quick look at Amala. For a second I noticed Amala’s Baseball cap. The way he positioned the baseball cap made him look like a plate of Amala with unequal piece of Pomo and soup on the same plate. I know I’m not fine but I don’t think parents should let kids see Amala at night before bedtime.

"plate of Amala with unequal piece of Pomo and soup on the same plate"

Nobs: Am I supposed to answer that too? I guess you can ask every other girl.

Chidi: Come on son, don’t take it personal. The lady was just asking a question. Besides I don’t see anything wrong with being friends with the ladies.

That was it. I thought about all the happenings of the day and how Iti had been rude to me all day. We had only just met but then for some reason he found it cute to talk to me anyhow.

Noble, why vex show na?

I looked at Zoba and she winked at me. The wink from Zoba did things to me and for a moment Biola’s boobs looked different. I mean, seated opposite me were different women with amazing boobs and for a minute, I realized that there are boobs and there are boobs. Both boobs are like bouncing castles in two different children’s parks. While Zoba’s are like the ones located in a private park with very little use, Biola’s looked like they needed some lifting.

No. Words.
None at all.

Nobs: Zoba, can I see you in private?

Zoba: Sure

Chidi: Noble please don’t be a party pooper

Nobs; I have a studio session and have to run.

Biola: Nobs, I’m really sorry about what I said and I know you know why I had to say that.

Nobs: I really don’t understand but I’ll just pretend that I do.

Biola: Nobs, don’t be like this

Nobs: I just want to talk to Zoba for a minute.

Ugh. Noble is becoming so emo. This is becoming so painful to read.

I watched her walk back to the restaurant and the song “Ele ukwu egbuo ewu” came to mind. I’m not really an ASS man even though I support Arsenal but Zoba has got Ukwu Nwanyi Owerri.

Igbo kids in the house, translation please?

Talking about Ass, I’ve realised that the bigger the ass, the bolder the stretch marks. A big ass with stretch marks is like a Range Rover with an Ugly spoiler.

Apologies to ESMU- Extra Large Stretch Marks Union

Damn son. Why so harsh?

I don’t know if you’ve been in that situation where you consider deleting someone’s number just because you don’t want to ring them? I considered deleting Zoba’s number so that I wouldn’t have to call her. I called….

Ok, I'm done. The rest of this shit is moist. I can't do this anymore. My thug is too high for this.
If you want to read the rest, here you go


  1. Lol. You give up? Haha.

    Truth be told, i'm now getting a bit tired of his memoirs

    Adiya (formally the corner shop)

  2. good job!! you've finally ended your addiction to Nobs... and my addiction to your commentary ;)

  3. Ukwu Nwanyi Owerri means, Ass of women from Owerri. It is a Flavour Nabania song paying homage to nice "asses" from Owerri.