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Monday, April 26, 2010

Nosa breaks down the Nigerian criminal code Pt. 1

Now before I start, I want it to be known that I found all of this HERE. And all conclusions I draw are based on the authenticity of the linked website. I can't be bothered to read it all but I'm pretty sure it's a crime to put the criminal code on blast on a blog. Then again, Igbo people could have written it and since they are all computer illiterate for the most part we can assume that it's all gravy.

Seeing as it is long as shit, I will only be explaining the "Offences against Morality" section. As you all know, morality and everything related to it is my forte.

Let's begin...

214. Any person who-

(1) has carnal knowledge of any person against the order of nature; or

The legislative arm (if my social studies has served me right) of the Nigerian government has taken it upon themselves to regulate the means with which you make sweet, sweet secks. The last thing we need is anyone of you ending up in the emergency room because he didn’t put you-know-what in you-know-where. You know how kids of these days watch all this crazy shit in porn and figure they might as well try it on the housegirl? This law was made with them in mind. Girls, if he asks you to open your mouth or wants to lube your ass, call the cops. You have the law on your side because such crazy shit isn’t permitted. If he asks for something else that hasn’t been mentioned and isn’t you-know-where, you should kick him in the nuts and run. Dude is probably batshit crazy and had a rough childhood.

(2) has carnal knowledge of an animal; or

This one is for the Mallams who like to know their cows rather intimately. Yeah, I threw up in my mouth as I typed that too so I don’t blame you. This is probably why all these Italian men import Edo girls #wierdshitwhitepeopledo. Do you know my roommate and his girlfriend kiss their dog? These white people never cease to amaze me. Thank God we have our ever so dependent legislature to correct shit like this.

(3) permits a male person to have carnal knowledge of him or her against the order of nature;

I think this part was made for teh ghey in particular. The first part already made it clear but they added the “him”. I’m guessing this law is pretty old so this could shed light on homosexuality in Nigeria. I should get on that topic one day; it would make a great thesis. Oh wait…never mind…this is for the receiver. If you allow weird and freaky shit to happen to you, you are GUILTY!

is guilty of a felony, and is liable to imprisonment for fourteen years.

This just goes to prove that buttsecks = murder as far as Nigerian law is concerned.

215. Any person who attempts to commit any of the offences defined in the last preceding section is guilty of a felony, and is liable to imprisonment for seven years.

The offender cannot be arrested without warrant.

Attempted buttsecks on the other hand isn't that bad. All you'll get is a seven year sentence which will definitely guarantee you buttsecks and everything against the "order of nature" in Kiri Kiri.

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