Nigerian UrbanDictionary

So you know urbandictionary?

I'm thinking about starting up a Nigerian one. At the moment, the idea is not so ambitious. It could grow...or it could die prematurely. I just think it would be great to google "gast" and find the meaning somewhere on the internets.

I really out of the loop (is that the phrase) on Nigerian internet slang so I'll need help. You can hit us up on twitter or email with suggestions.

Example format => word/phrase - e no too poss
meaning - it is not possible
example - yaradua is alive? E no too poss


So are you ready to help?

RE: Carleton's Naijerian Obama moment

I'm surprised Aboyeji wrote the last post in response to Sugabelly's post, because I don't think the Indian guy and the Obongomail ad are related at all. Elected office and advertising are two very different spheres with two very different purposes.

Granted, both present representations of Nigerians, but in very different ways and both have different relationships with Nigeria and Nigerians. The Public Relations Officer is not just the face of a group, he's also a leader who can connect with people, and relate with a lot of different people. I think it's great that an Indo-Nigerian can be elected as an officer for a mainly black organization - clearly he identifies as Nigerian and is dedicated to supporting Nigerians on his campus, and that can only be a good thing. The advert in Sugabelly's post, however, is meant to make people to want to use a service. The woman in the picture is not talking to people, or working with a group. She's on a computer, by herself. She's just an image. And as an image of a lone white woman, she is completely disconnected from the average Nigerian experience. A person working in an office in Nigeria is not typically a skinny white brunette - she's a black woman or he's a black man, whatever. I haven't been home for some months, but I doubt that since I've been gone, white people have become the ONLY people in Nigeria who use computers and would want to use Obongomail. The average person using Obongomail will be black as opposed to white, yes? So why is a white woman the face of a company targeting black people?

It's clear that using this picture was a thought-out decision (though obviously not thought out well enough). It's not like there weren't pictures of black people the dude could use. He could have easily told his friend, "I need a picture for my company - please help me snap photo." Heck, he could have taken a bloody picture of himself with a computer - that's what the 10 second timer on digital cameras is FOR. Dang. So he didn't just happen upon this picture and decide to use it - that NEVER happens in advertising - rather, he selected it specifically for the purpose of promoting his product. And that choice is problematic, because he chose an image of a white person over one of a black person, to market a product to black people. Here, the white woman is the black Nigerian person's replacement.

The use of that photo is in the same vein as a larger problem in Nigeria, that we've talked about before on this blog - a LOT of Nigerians very strongly believe that the West (i.e. white people) and everything associated with it [them] are better than Nigeria and Nigerians. Companies and advertisers choose white people because, in their opinion everyone wants to use something if it's marketed to them as an "oyinbo" thing. Their opinion is clearly false: look at all the huge companies with great advertising campaigns using black people - EVERY GSM network, Peak Milk, Bournvita, etc. etc. It's not like black faces do not sell products. This is not America where everyone thinks the default person is white. It is extremely obvious that the average Nigerian is BLACK, so why the hell is a white person being used for an advertisement for to black people? It doesn't make any sense except within the context of this larger problem. The white woman in the picture is hardly showcasing the diversity of Nigerians, as you argue that the Indian-Nigerian PRO is. Why didn't they get a bunch of people of all different shades of brown to showcase diversity? Why weren't the Lebanese, Chinese, (Black) Brazilians or Indians chosen? Why is this lone white woman the person to be the face of this company, rather than a Nigerian? There's no good reason for it.

It's also very important to remember that Whites and Nigerians and Indians and Nigerians have very different relationships historically and even today. Indian people didn't violently suppress our culture so that they could prove theirs was better - they came for the economic opportunities and change of lifestyle. Indians are generally chill, while most white people in Nigeria (from my experience) still think that they're better than all of us, and it's not very hard to expose their bigotry. If brown people want to be down with Naija, then it's cool. But this random white woman in the picture doesn't want to be Nigerian. Heck, she probably doesn't even know her photo is being used. She doesn't give a shit. She's not contributing in any way to a diverse Nigeria - rather, her image is being used to perpetuate the idea that Nigerians are lesser than white people.

I'm sure the Nigerian man who put her image on the website doesn't hate Nigeria or Nigerians. He probably truly believes that no one will patronize his business if he doesn't put attach an image of a white person or a European name to his company. But he's buying into the lie that Nigerians aren't good enough, and is helping to spread the lie around. So he needs to stop for a second and think about why he's putting a white woman on his website and how that could be detrimental not only to himself, but to the Nigerian psyche in general. He can claim that he alone cannot change a country. But every person who visits that website and is greeted with that image, while they may not realize it, will very likely come away with a greater opinion of white people, and as a result a lesser opinion of themselves. Why? Because they've been replaced by a white person, and apparently white people are the only people worth looking at. The Glo billboard in the picture above would not give anyone that opinion, and they are a wildly successful company. So AGAIN, I ask - WHY is there a white woman on this website for Nigerians? If you give me a good answer, then racism no longer exist. If not, Sugabelly and everyone else is right in calling the Obongomail dude out.

Rant over. Obongomail - get your shit together.

Carleton's Naijerian Obama Moment

Now considering the last serious post here (don't count my gushy MI post) this  blog might seem like it is talking from both sides of its mouth.

I am about to raise another  perspective  with regards Sugabelly's last post here. Like seriously, it is not that I disagree with her. It is just that I think there is a small caveat on her admonition to Nigerian companies

So here is the story.

I just received word from one of my many spies in Canada`s capital that Carleton`s Nigerian Student Association just elected by a slim vote, close friend and colleague of mine from CIC, Nikhlesh Vashwani, as its Public Relation`s Officer.

But why is the election of  some random dude into some Canadian university's Nigerian Student's association news? Afterall, it's not like its some American Ivy school or something. It's not even Canadian Ivy.

Well, it is because it is a real Nigerian Obama moment that raises serious questions about expectations of how a Nigerian should look.

As it turns out, Nikhlesh Vashwani is an Indo-Nigerian. He likely looks nothing like other people that have previously occupied his position...

Therefore, this indo-Nigerian being Public Relations Officer means that an indian face will represent Nigerians in Carleton for the next year. Now I don't know if this will have the same effect 'foriegn' models are believed to have on Nigerian businesses. But, I think his election is the greatest testament to the open-mindedness of Nigerians. I know this borders on tokenism but at least, we can easily point to Carleton's Nigerian Students Association's PRO as proof that we are not xenophobic.

Now, I know perhaps, this example is not archetypical of the situation in Sugabelly's post. So what am I getting at?

Well, I think Nigeria is changing such that it is not only dudu people like me and my parents that can be considered Nigerian. There are now Chinese, not all of whom sit down in offices commanding their "corrupt" black serfs in government. Some of them are out there fighting like the common man. Let's also not forget the Lebanese, the Brazillians and ofcourse the Indians that have been here for the longest time. Even the new people like Jeremy Weate, many would consider Nigerian.

I want to know, would you consider these people representative of the "Nigerian"? Is it fine that they should represent us in any capacity, whether on business ads, political office, even student associations' like in this case? Should Nigerians only be dudu people like a lot of us? Do you think Nigeria is on the path to multiculturalism?

I want to hear from you...

PS: In the interest of getting the broadest possible perspectives, you are allowed to be racist in your comments, if you think that;s the only way you can express yourself. Just make it eloquent and don't put your real name. And remember, racisim is ugly.

Stuff Nigerians Love: MI's Lyrics

I know this is not healthy but I LOVE MI's lyrics. So I have been playing the video below. The lyrics are just banging. So here is the part that has just been rummmaging through my brain in the past 48 hours since I have heard the song

Yes Boss, MI with the Flow Boss,
No more, yes Boss, No boss,
No Boss so long you scope us
While you eat green like Locust
So us masses live low cost
Hunger Poverty choke us
You say there is a new plan for us
There is no light, how you gonna show us,

He just upstaged Drake in my mind :)

Obongo Mail

From Sugabelly's blog

Remember iKobo
Well meet ObongoMail.

Yeah. They really never learn.

Advertising 101: Your consumers or potential consumers MUST be able to IDENTIFY with the models using the product in the ad in some key way. This will then enable them to envision themselves IN PLACE of the model using the product.

How many Nigerians do you know that look like this?




I am so sick of Nigerian companies that feel the need to market their products and services using White people. Newsflash!!! Nigeria is 99.9% black. Unless perhaps they are really targeting the five white people in Nigeria. If that is the case I apologize for calling them out, but as long as what they wrote there is market to MILLIONS in Nigeria, then it is only logical to assume that they are talking about Nigerians since the only group of people that number up to even one million in Nigeria are actual Nigerians.

So excuse me while I feel the intense desire to capture the owner of Obongo mail and bongo his or her head.

Goodness, it is not hard. This is the FIRST thing they teach you in business school. It is freaking common sense. This is like trying to market horseshoes to a horse using a crocodile as your demonstration model. I am sick of all these STUPID Nigerian companies that are so in love with Caucasians and think that they are so much better than Nigerians that they feel the need to appeal as much as possible to Caucasian sensibilities when the net worth of all the Caucasians in Nigeria combined can't even make any kind of significant dent in Nigeria's GNI.

There is nothing inherently wrong with Caucasians but there IS something wrong with stupid Nigerians and the companies they own not valuing their fellow Nigerians enough to even have the decency to market us a good or service using models that actually look like us.

How can you expect me to use ObongoMail which you claim is for Nigerians when you don't even have the common courtesy to employ a Nigerian model so that I can actually envision myself using your service? Like seriously, who the hell do these companies think they're marketing their stuff to?

Call it whatever you want, if you are a Nigerian company or if you are a company targeting Nigerians and you cannot respect Nigerians enough to use Nigerian (or at the very least Black) models in your marketing campaigns targeting Nigerians then I don't care if you have the best widget in the world that you are selling, if you are a Nigerian company and you cannot be proudly Nigerian then you will not see a kobo of my money. Nigerians are just as good as caucasians, and if you can employ a caucasian model to market in America or Europe then you sure as hell can employ a Nigerian model to market to Nigerians. Otherwise you can keep your bloody service and Nigerians will pay someone who respects us.

Nonsense and Ingredient

Original Post

*This post was done from my phone so excuse me if this comes out iffy. Necessary edits will be done when i get close to a computer.

You searched for wut??? Pt. II

The usual preamble still applies: when i get bored...blah, blah, blah. Y'getme

In today's episode of YSFW:

On lucky spring breaker sends this in,

Even better...

Now using deductive reasoning, we can conclude

1. The person might be Hungarian or fluent in the language
2. It was probably research. Nobody searches for weird pr0n to get off. You do it for research.
3. He/she is very pretentious. All mac users are.
4. He/she is not Igbo because Igbo people can't use computers.

Discuss.

You kidnapped the wrong person. WTF????

I won't lie SuperSport was my shit when I was in Nigeria. Soccer all day? I was in there like swimwear. Sometimes I wish FSC was half as good as SuperSport, it would make my weekends just perfect.

Anyway, word on the street is that some SuperSport folk were kidnapped. 3 of them Nigerian and the other a South African. Being Nosa, I didn't read the rest of the news report and assumed Peterside Idah was one of them. I mean, what are the odds? If 3 Nigerians from SuperSport are kidnapped, one of them has to be Nigerian. Who wouldn't kidnap Peterside if they had the chance? Ignore his Arsenal/Nigeria bias (I know it's hard, just try), Peterside is like King Obvious. So the score is 1-0 at half time, what does Peterside recommend they do? They need to score a goal to equalize the game and maybe another to win it (probably not verbatim). Seriously? You get paid all that money to say that BS. I could do that...infact I'll do it for free.

Dear God, I hate Peterside.

You think I'm the only one who thinks he's clueless?

Read this comment on this article

Peterside has no clue. No UAE player failed the MRI rather those players recieved straight red cards in the Under-16 AYC before voming to Nigeria for the World Cup......dang. Similarly, he's failed as analyst on TV, media officer of the Super Eagles and clearly showed that he lack basic communication skill. He should focus on his church and seek another career away from the media-related profession

It's like he took the words out of my mouth.

Enough of my rant.

...[the kidnappers] demand that the federal government send more oil-industry funds to Nigeria’s southern region, which remains poor despite five decades of oil production.

-SOURCE

Wait...wut?

You kidnapped two cameramen and two no-name journalists to get attention?

FAIL
FAIL
FAIL
Kidnapping? You are doing it wrong.

 

SMH

Patrick Obahiagbon goin' INNNNNN!!!!

I think I googled almost every word he said

You searched for wut???

Every once in a while when I can't sleep, like today, I look at the sitemeter stats from our website to see who's reading and who just came here for my awesome pictures. Sometimes I stumble across some interesting google searches that led some people here but today I found one like none other.

Like this...

 

So someone in Santa Clara, CA searched for "igbo porns" on their phone (opera mini was used and the inner dweeb in me spotted it and the unknown os is another clue).

I might be Nigeria's leading intellectual on Porn in Nollywood but I'm sorry, I have no "igbo porns". 

Hahahahah

I wonder what Sugabelly thinks. I wonder if this dispels my myth that igbo people can't use computers. Wait...it was on a phone so my theory still stands. HAH!!