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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Memoirs of a Nobskid IV

Last time we were here, our hero, Noble, came home with Shirls only to find Ada in his bed. I wonder Shirls and Ada agreed to a threesome. I mean, Ada would do anything for Noble and Shirls is...well, she did say she was his anniversary present.

Memoirs of a Nobskid 43

But before we even start anything, Noble would like to share a couple of words with you.

Each time people die, we always go back to dialogue to solve these issues; Why can’t we just start with dialogue? I mean “DIALOGUE first, before resorting to VIOLENCE” …actually “DIALOGUE first, second, third … DIALOGUE always, never resort to VIOLENCE”
Love is all we need! Love is all the world needs!

All you need is love!

Mushy moment over. Back to Nobs.

Biola wants to know why I don’t think she fits the role of being my wife. She’s of the opinion that she should be given the opportunity to prove herself. 
Prove herself? Na JAMB she dey write? Who is this Biola character? I'm too lazy to go back and find out about her. I only care about Ada. What happened to Ada on Noble's bed anyway? This is a flashback? Oh.

There I was bewildered with no idea of how I got myself into this situation.
I can help. Uncle, me! Uncle, me! You went to Marquee looking for company and Shirls showed up promising to be your anniversary. I wonder why Shirls didn't say "appetizer". Then I could have put this 9ice song in here and it would have a been funnier.
I had not seen Shirls in a long time and her anger wasn’t helping matters because her boobs kept moving up and down with her breathing.
What matters here isn't that Shirls has come home to find another woman in Noble's bed. No, that's completely irrelevant. What's important is that Shirls' anger is causing her boobs to move up and down. For a man turned on my the simple things, this could be a problem.

Shirls: So who’s that?
Nobs: I can explain Shirls
No, you can't explain.
Nobs: It’s not what you think
I told you! That's no explanation.
Shirls: Truthfully I don’t think anything. You know what? Maybe I should just go home because this is entirely my fault. I shouldn’t have gotten myself into this mess. Why did you bring me home when you knew you left another babe in your house?
Yes, you got yourself in this mess. You tried to be his anniversary. If you tried to be his appetizer, then we wouldn't be having this problem.
Nobs : Just let me explain. Calm down
Sigh. Are we doing this again? You. Can't. Explain. Women don't listen.
Shirls : Don’t tell me to calm down. Come and take me home.
....and I'm right again!
I hate drama and I was not about to provide my neighbours with any kind of entertainment. 
So I lied... I’m so sorry for lying but I did it for the greater good.
Our hero is always so noble. *sheds tear*
Shirls : Who the fuck is she?
Nobs : She’s my sister’s friend
Is anyone keeping score at home? We might to track how many times Ada takes a "L" for research purposes.
Can I be truthful for a bit? If Ada was single, maybe I would have gone with the idea of putting Shirls up in a hotel and leaving Ada at mine. That way I can jog between my house and the hotel just to experience what polygamous men experience.
Bad goiz!

Ada was on the bed only in her pink nightgown with the duvet slightly covering the lower part of her body. I (and my prisoner behind the restraining zipper) stood there for more 2 minutes just staring at her body and trying to convince myself that not making any moves on her will do me more good than harm.
She dey make 'im soja salute
I shook her slightly while calling her name softly.
M&B Nobs is back to play, I see.
Ada has been nice to me and she’s everything anyone will want in a wife.

I had no intention of taking her away from her husband but you will agree with me that it’s not really that easy. 
That last line reminded me of that Usher song, "If I Want To". I can't be the only one that thought about it.  If I want to, I can take you from your man. SWEGGGGZZZZ!!!!!
Ada: I’ll leave your room but just know that I’ll never ever talk to you in my life again. I will leave your house and I’ll never come back. You don’t even need to come for my wedding.
Ada. Haf. Vex.

I tried everything to get some all through the night but Shirls wouldn’t give me any.
Shirls didn't give anything? After everything? THAT HOEBAG!!!!
Saturday April 1, 2011.
I heard a knock on the door, stood up and there was Ada in short shorts (?) and tank top.
This won't end well.

As I shut the door, Shirls who had a feeling she was still there waiting, immediately took advantage of it; got undressed and pulled me back to bed.
I knew it!
Just one touch and she started moaning.
As an original bad goiz!

She was moaning so loud that I felt embarrassed because I knew my sister and the entire house could hear her.
Noble's sex game is obviously on point. Deeeeks are not the sameee. Deeeeks are not the sameee as before (Yes, I sang that to Naeto's 10/10. Judge me)
Work done, I was ready to go talk with Ada. 
I swear Noble says the most "bad-guy" things. Ever. Who says "Work done" after brapping? Who?
I thought the night was drama but I was wrong...I was confused and I did the first thing that came to my mind…
I'm willing you bet you $50 and my left nut that Nobs proposed. That's how they do it in all those obodo oyibo romantic feem.

What do you think Nobs did?


  1. LOL, Shirls was not moaning because Nobs sex game was on point. She was puttin on a show for that Ada. *I got your man and you can't don anything about it* kind of game she go play wit that moaning.

  2. Chai..
    I've been looking forward to this.
    I like a lot.
    Nice 1

  3. smh!!..dnt the girls read his memoirs?

  4. LOL!!! Lool especially at appetizers. Please keep this feature coming- it's that much more interesting with your commentaries hehe


  5. This is way better than reading memoirs...i swear down....hahahahahahaha

    Nobs...Effing wanker...

  6. @ Tee,
    You can really leave a comment without the personal insult.
    Just saying


  7. Ok, calm down everyone. No need for the personal shots.

  8. O my goodness, you are hilarious. Love the commentary. Nobs is a bad goiz (lol) but he seems to have such a nice heart (despite his hoish ways *said with love Nobs*). Another guy would have given Ada what she wants and put her behind on the next thing back to Anambra but this man is trying to save this girl from herself. He gbenshes her and the next thing she will start saying she will jump off 3rd mainland if he does not marry her.

  9. @Nobs,
    You can like to not take it personal
    Just saying


  10. LOL

    Died at the "Y U NO Marry ADA" picture...