Memoirs of a Nobskid

I’ve been hearing about this “Memoirs of a SLU…SHHKID” for a while now. Heard it was about some Nigerian guy talking about how he "blocks" babes in Lagos. A Nigerian Tucker Max, pretty much.  Never really given it a read. Well, it’s 3 am on Sunday and I just woke up, I might as well give it a read and blog about it. Actually met the Nobs dude over Christmas. By “meet”, I mean I saw him outside the elevator at De Marquee and my buddy screamed, “That’s Nobs!” However, let’s not let minor technicalities get in the way.

Our Oliver De Coque looking Lothario

*Note: I’m reading this with no context at all. It’s the “WK 40” one. I’m guessing there’s already a running theme/story here, so forgive me if I’m ignorant.

Ok, the “WK 40” was meh. Going to the give the previous week a read.

So different things went through my mind while checking out the boobies from the gap between the buttons of her shirt. As an expert in the boobs department, I knew that if pressed together, those boobies can make one come.

X_______X

“…can make one come”???

I saw babes who were so happy with their potbellies and didn’t care if drinking big stout straight from the bottle was regarded as being razz.

Any babe that drinks stout in public is an ashewo. You. Can’t. Tell. Me. Nothing.

At that point, all I wanted to do was go outside, get into my cab and go back to the hotel. I just finished ordering drinks almost 30k only for her to say to say that she’s on. Who does that? That’s fraudulent and shouldn’t be encouraged. Why can’t chics say things like
“Please before you buy me anything, I’m on my period and may not be able to do anything with you“? That way you’ll make up your mind if you still want to go ahead with the spending.

These hoes! Never trust these hoes! On a random note, I was thinking about it the other day, an “mgbeke” is pretty much the Nigerian equivalent of a “ratchet”. I’m being serious here. Think about it. Both are ridiculously tacky. The shit weaves and whatchamacallit. My brain fails me but it’s the thing were you glue a wig on or something like that, my ex-girlfriend clued me in. Also, while ratchets kpox for Red Lobster biscuits, mgbekes kpox for Mr. Biggs meatpie. I’m not mad at their hustle, Mr. Biggs meatpie tastes like unicorn bacon. I'd totally work Adeyemo Alakija for a Mr. Biggs meatpie. I'm shameless like that.

I digress. Back to Nobs.

Nobs : Yes, I’ll do just that, can you come to my hotel to help me pack.
Ejiro : I still dey clean house. It’s a staurday na.
Nobs: Ok . I hope you are fine tho
Ejiro : Yes but I don’t have credit. Can you send me small MTN like 750.
Nobs: I’ll do that. Speak later.

Hahahahhahahah. Despite not giving our homeboy anything, Ejiro has the testicular temerity to ask for MTN credit. I totally feel Nobs’ pain.

Have I said anything mean about Nobs yet? Nope. Damn, I was actually hoping to read the whole thing and trash it like I do to most things. Oh well, there’s always next week.

(via Memoirs of a Nobskid 39)