SNLH Weighs in on Nmachi Ihegboro

I don't know if we've shared this little fact with you lately, but Nigerians are superhuman. That's right people, we have been blessed with talents that defy the laws of nature. A few of these talents include: fooling perfectly intelligent people into giving us their bank account numbers, infiltrating every country on earth (except maybe North Korea) and of course, giving birth to racially confusing children.

So the family says that this child is legitimate, and not borne of a one-off affair the wife had with the hot young neighbour next door. The doctors also attest to the fact that this is a natural birth, and there was no reproductive assistance (in vitro fertilization, hormones, etc) involved. Now, my first reaction to this story was to remind myself and everyone else of one of the key things I've learned in my short life: People Lie. However, when I finally saw a photo of this baby, I reconsidered my stance.

Source: The Sun Online

First of all, she looks like her parents. So the Desperate Housewives-esque tryst theory is thrown out the window. Secondly, and probably most importantly, this baby does not look like any other baby I've ever seen. Too much hair, seriously blue eyes, and somehow manages to look both white and black at the same time. She clearly gets her nose from her mother, and her chin from her dad. The most amazing part of it all is that despite all this, she manages to look freakin' adorable. She's already this decade's biggest medical miracle by virtue of her birth alone, and then she has to go and be inhumanly cute as well. Like I said, superhuman.

OMG, I just had an idea: what if Nigerians have ALIEN GENES? Like, you know that Yoruba creation myth where the dude comes down from heaven and establishes Ile-Ife? What if wasn't just some dude who fell out of a tree while trying to steal mangoes?...

To be serious though, as the skeptic/pessimist I am, I can only forsee a rough childhood for this girl. She'll steal the hearts of all the boys at school, of all races, but all the girls will hate on her and tell her it's because she's white that the boys like her. In public, people will treat her better than her parents and siblings because she looks white. People will expose their racism in conversations with her because they don't know she comes from a black family. If she ends up schooling in Nigeria, she'll be picked on because she looks different, and no one will accept that she's truly a Nigerian because she's not black. I hope none of these things actually happen to her, but they could. Maybe this girl being born is supposed to make us aware of our own prejudices, as well as those of society and people of all races that have been neatly swept under the rug.

On the bright side, however, our dear Nmachi has finally been able to overturn the modern myth that Europeans did everything before Africans did. We gave birth to a white child before they gave birth to a black child. We be ON that genetic aberration shit like we were on that two-story house shit thousands of years ago. I mean, it'll eventually happen for them, since tons of Americans married people with black ancestry without knowing they had black ancestry (passing FTW) but WE DID IT FIRST. Take THAT, former colonial masters.


Nosa UPDATE: