You didn't believe me?

Nigerian Church Names

I jacked this from Chxta on facebook.

Enjoy

These are REAL church names in Nigeria...a friend of mine helped compile the list...enjoy!

∙ Jesus Of God Mission (Imo State)

∙ God's Mennonite Church

∙ Guided Missiles Church

∙ JESUS IN THE NOW GLOBAL MINISTRY'

∙ Healing Has Begun Ministry

∙ God's Own Ministry

∙ The True Assemblies of God Church (don't want to think of what this implies of the other Assemblies of god we know) :D

∙ Jehova Sharp Sharp (Festac)

∙ Huricane Miracle Ministry

∙ Healing Tsunami Ministry


∙ Satan in Trouble Ministry

∙ Fire for Fire Ministry

∙ Guided Missiles Church === saw this one myself here in Lagos.∙ My guess is they're affiliated with NATO :D

∙ FIST OF FURY (NTA road, Port Harcourt)

∙ Run For Your Life Ministry === my favorite! :D :D :DHere's the sign for Run for your life chapel

∙ The Yoke Must Broke Ministry

∙ Jesus Heal Ministry

∙ Face to face ministry

∙ Angels on Fire Chapel of Peace

∙ Liquid Fire Ministries (Suleja, Niger State)

∙ By fire By Fire Ministry

∙ HOLYFIRE OVERFLOW MINISTRIES

∙ David Killed Goliath Ministry (Kaduna)

∙ House of Jehova's Padawans (TransAmadi, PH)

∙ JESUS IN HIS MIGHTINESS GLOBAL MINISTRY

∙ OPM - Other people's money (PH)

∙ God in action ministries

∙ Moving mountain gospel church

∙ MY BROTHER IS A CHRISTIAN CHURCH OF GOD

∙ Fellowship of the Wings - Ajah (Lamgasa)

∙ Power Foundation Ministries, Aba. === The pastor's maiden crusade was titled: "Your Money is Looking For You" :D :D :D

∙ HOLY GHOST ON FIRE MINISTRY (Abuja)

∙ HIGH TENSION MINISTRY

∙ JESUS NEVER bleep UP MINISTRY (Benin) === for those of you who don't get the meaning, replace the word bleep in this one with the err... the "F" word

MARRIAGE JOB POSTING FOR NAIJA.......NAWA OHH

You see this is what I dont understand bout all these old ass ibotic Naija men that came to Yankee during the early 80's and 90's. Firstly they want to marry a Naija girl living in Naija, then file her papers and bring her to the States. So i really wonna know whats the difference between the Naija girls already here in Yankee, and the ones living in Naija? I bet they prob feel the chicks in Naija are more reserved and their eye never tear yet...... and also you dont need to spit too much game to them.....All you need do is tell them you live in Yankee and give her some type of $1 Yankee souvenir (even if na plain  t-shirt, opener or keyholder)..then the rest is history..she go trip scatter ehh...
But the truth of the matter be say its the chicks living in  Naija that are dangerous...and when they finally get their papers and enter Yankee, their eye go tear reach their ears, and before u know it, they dump the guy's ass. So now who's the mugu?

"ability to get visa easily would be an advantage"......HA HA ...See requirements ehh

I'm just sitting here imagining what the conversation would look like if a girl actually calls that number :)
ibotic chick: "hello good morning Sa, i saw your posting in to-day paper, so I wanted to know if it is still open.
wife seeker: Yes it is. I'm still accepting appilications. So how wa uuu? tell me about yourself
ibotic chick: I am fine tank u ..but pls i dont have credit. can you call me back? or send me credit?


u just gotta luv us :)

How is this newsworthy?

#kanyeshrug

Yorubas are all liars.

If you aren't familiar with the Nadum Nwitua story, read it here.

Being the good person that I am, I have decided to extract all his quotes from the article. When you are done reading, you'll appreciate this good that I have done.

First, he channels his Bill Clinton,

I have never touched her

Then he proceeds to confuse me,

I have being arrested for an offence I have no idea; when everyone knows she has a boyfriend, Kennedy, who must have impregnated her. Why has he not being arrested and brought here?

But he's not done. He gives us his best OJ Simpson impression.

 Comfort was given to me by her father and brother for marriage. I paid them about N25,000. Even if I impregnated her, am I not a man? So what crime have I done? All this allegations are just lies. Everybody that is a Yoruba is a liar. All you Yorubas are all liars.

Must. Not. Trust. Yorubas.

But his lawyer, Vure Kara, is even more precious.

 Our law is clear, once a person is within the age of 16 years, the issue of having intercourse with anybody is not a crime at all. It is only if you have sexual intercourse with any person under 16 that it is a crime. So if that happens, it will be resolved. There is always a way about it.

And there you have it folks, rape is just sexual intercourse. I always knew women liked crazy shit.

Pastor stops wedding

So I found this on Linda Ikeji's blog. Why was I there? Times are hard. The lulz aren't falling on my lap or appearing on my twitter timeline. On a side note, I always thought she was way hotter by the way. Like she was some model or something. Oh well, I digress.

The gist of the story is that Peter and Mercy were about to get married but their pastor Kanye'd the whole thing. Apparently, Mercy was suspected to be pregnant. How do you suspect pregnancy at the altar? Did Mercy start spitting or did the dress look a little to tight in the tummy? I know these are #JambQuestions but I think they require answers. 

Mercy had already taken a pregnancy the day before but apparently that wasn't good enough for the pastor. She had to take another one on her wedding day…at a different hospital. 

Don't they have those pregnancy kits that you find in CVS in Nigeria? 

Why did she have to go all the way to a hospital? 

I've had a bunch of scares so I know how easy this thing is. You drive to CVS. You buy the thing. Make her drink a lot of water. Send her to the bathroom and make her pee on the stick. Two minutes later, you have your answer.

See, I told you it was easy. The pregnancy test is even pointless. Why is it the church's business? Aren't there more important things the pastor has to handle? You know, like seeing if the day's offering is enough to buy another Hummer. 

Nigerians stay judging. 

Count Eucharia

It's a bird? No. It's a plane? No.

IT'S COUNT EUCHARIA AND HER IMMOVABLE EYEBROW

I think she thought the event was a casting call for True Blood.

Maybe Hausa people aren't stupid

You can marry a young girl, but you are not permitted to consummate the marriage or to meet her sexually until when she can bear it physiologically, psychologically and physically.

In this post, I said

...Or he could just be letting her mature until she is ripe. Is that how Hausa* people do it? I guess we could all take a cue from them, eh? I should start hanging out in maternity wards and marry as many cute babies as I can find. One of them has to be hot, right?

I knew Hausa people weren't that stupid. Why do you think they've been in power or around it for so long? There's this law in "48 Laws of Power" that suggests you appear stupid so other people underestimate you or something close, I forget. Hausa people have clearly mastered this shit. They are waaaaay ahead of the curve. Seriously, what other tribe drafts based on potential?

Ok, that last bit might confuse you if you are not familiar with the draft system in American sports. In American sports, athletes from high school or college are selected by teams to become pro. This process is called drafting. When you draft based on potential, you select a player based on what you think he can become. That's pretty much it in cliffnotes.

This is how the ugliest Hausa men always end up with the hottest wives. They just hang around the maternity ward or playground and scout talent. Their now hot wives probably weren't shit when they were say 7 or 8 years old. Trust me, it's better for the child to be ugly while young because there's nowhere to go but up. Every girl I thought was meh in LJC is now a budding Sanaa Lathan. Sometimes I slap myself for not investing earlier like the Hausa man. The Hausa man clearly sees the big picture unlike the rest of us. We are only interested in how she looks now while the Hausa man is interested in how she will look in 10 years when she's 18. You know what? As soon as I'm done posting this, I'm going to the nearest playground to find my wife. The rest of you can be dulling yourselves as you protest.


Video from this article

More facebook folly

Standard Bastard

Standard Bastard

I have to use this one day

In poor taste?

#kanyeshrug

Bez

I really can't believe there hasn't been a Bez post on here seeing as he went to LJC. LJC folk tend to stan their own...hard. Bez and I are hombres. By hombres, I mean I washed his friend's clothes when I was in JSS2. So yeah we go way back like a high top fade.

On a serious note though, Bez makes beautiful music. I won't front at all. The hater in me wants to hate his stuff but it's hard. I can't find any reason too.

Bez - More You from Kemi Adetiba on Vimeo.

I like the whole sixth sense vibe of the video.

In conclusion, I am Nosa and I support this artist. Eat shit if you don't. The End.

PS: The priest dude in the video was socials prefect. The big guy comforting the lead lady is the priest's cousin.

LADIES....VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE THAT COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!

Nna nawa ohh. Some kind strange strange things don dey happen for this world u know. I just dey hear say there is now a way that women can turn back to virgins. So all u girls out there that have done so many bad bad things, this is ur opportunity to get involved in this movement (although i hear say na mostly hausa chicks dey do am pass shaa). This way ur future husband will think u are still a virgin. It only costs about $4000 or so...and it just involves a lil surgery in which they will stitch ur hymen (or wharever the hell they call it sef)....this way it will tear again and bleed when having sex again. (after the surgery)
Wait oh..THIS IS AWESOME..... So some women wey don turn to point-n-kill, now have the golden opportunity to be tear-rubber again :)
Well, i guess we should clap for science.... at least for inventing an easier and smoother way for women to start lying and deceiving us :)
and also clap for the male mugus that will fall for this BULL too :)

Did you think I was done?

No, there's MOAR!!!!

It never ends. *Insert Evil Laugh Here*

I'm not saying anything but...

...don't these sets look so similar?

Stolen Kiss

U tink u can graduate without keezing cack?

Don't understand? See reference

Thank Nollywood not me.

There's moar

Even moar

This is not Nigerian...

...but as Nigerians, it is our responsibility to laugh at other countries.

Nigerians & Homosexuality II

So our dear Nicholas found out about the Cali gay marriage thing. He wasn't too pleased.

Sun Girl always takes things too far

Why?

Happy New Month!

Don't forget to pay the bills