Jesus Be A Translator

How do you pronounce the middle name abeg?

Nigerian Prostitutes Don't Play

Nigerian prostitutes are probably the hungriest of Nigerian business folk. If they are not kicking their Ghanaian counterparts out of the market, they exporting themselves to Italy. I remember going to meet a friend at Pattaya this christmas and there was one working the corner. Sounds like normal stuff, right? Yeah, but it was like 4 pm and the sun was still out. That's probably the earliest I've seen a prostitute out. They say ashewo no be work, they lied.

allAfrica put up this story today. In America, it's usually the customers that bang the prostitutes, beat them up, and then steal their money. American prostitutes clearly have nothing on the Nigerian ones. Emeka, Nnamdi, and Cornelius thought they were slick when they didn't bring money to cover their kpoxing session. The men even loaded up on viagra. 

Eyewitness said that the prostitutes, in anger, teamed up and dealt them heavy blows, leaving them with deep-cut injuries. They were taken to the hospital in Benin after the intervention of some elders in the area.

Teeeeeek!!!

No kpanching without cashing. Ok, that was cheesy but whatevs.

#Teeeeek

Bonus:

Thanks Anon

Awww...so cute

Don't Like Your Kind 'Round Here

You go fear vex sha.

A Message from the Sarah Jubril Camp

Before somebody attacks me, I believe Sarah is a very brave woman. She stood up to the political old boys and whatnot. Ok, maybe she didn't do much damage but she still got her name on the voting thing, which is pretty big, I guess. Nigerian women should be proud of her...

...BUT one vote tho?

Has Sarah won anything that has to do with voting? She's been losing the party bid thing since I was born. That takes dedication. Lots and lots of it. On a serious note, when they voted for class prefect in primary 6, did Sarah win? Did Sarah even win the nomination in her house? I pity her driver, he had to wait till the very end. He could have avoided all that traffic if she gave up early.

Sarah won somewhere though. She won my heart and she was trending on twitter. Atiku and Jonathan weren't twitter relevant like that. More grease to her elbow.  -__-

So we are monkeys now, ehn?

But if we are really monkeys, why can't she go back to obodo oyibo and hang out with regular people? 

Man Down #ShotsFired

Deep!

Majela > AfroCandy > Vic.O

I guess Desmond Elliot isn't with the key to the studio anymore.

Ever wondered what happened to Igbo people after 419 evolved to Yahoo-Yahoo?

Just think about it. You are an Igbo man, computer illiterate obvs, and your 419 money dwindling after that new Lexus. That's like a wake up call, which forces you to revaluate your path. It's like talking to your counsellor in JSS3, will you be an art or science student. This time, you are faced with three options: "Import & Export", spare parts business, or music.

Most of your daddies probably went for the first two smarter options but the few ballsy ones went for the third. It has worked out for Ruggedman so far. He still can't rap for shit but he is making some money. As for the rest, look no further than this specimen called Vic.O.

Dead. Deader. Deadest



Dude didn't even try. There are a shit ton of mgbekes in Ikeduru hoping some man from obodo oyibo will scoop them and make them video hos. Ugh!

Dear Vic. O,

Just marry a fat Dutch woman, get your Dutch residency, and find a job at the nearest grocery store. This music thing isn't for you.  If you still want to give it one last shot, call up AfroCandy, and remix "Ikebe Na Moni". Both of your careers need it anyway so it's a win-win.

Love,
Your Fans

They See Me Healin', They Probin'

Last year, I was going to do a post about Pastor Chris getting getting probed by EFCC for money laundering but I got lazy, as usual. I completely forgot about the whole episode until I found another Pastor Chris post on Linda Ikeji's blog. This time it was about folks getting charged N1,000 to get in the NYE service.

Source

I've always thought Pastor Chris was dodgy but I didn't want Amadioha to strike me so I kept my thoughts to myself.

N1,000 tho? Are they selling the visa to heaven in the church or is that just the application fee? I can understand collecting multiple offerings to fund the pastor's Hummer but to charge a gate fee is just...

Can someone who attended or attends this church explain this thing to me? Clearly, I'm missing something here. Isn't this the same dude that healed some blind fellow a while back and after healing the newly sighted man could identify colors. -_____-

The doubted Jesus when he first set foot on the the scene, so maybe there's something special in the church. I don't want to miss the second coming of Jesus so if you are in the know, please clue me in abeg. 

PLS SOMEONE TELL ME THIS DUDE IS JOKING ...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

I for really love to know which village dem go bring this my guy from.....WTF ????!!!!.....at first when i saw this video, i was like "is he for real?" I don laugh sotey the muscles for my face don weak finish. But on the real tho, I dont blame people like this. Na their friends that should be held responsible for their failure and falling of hand. Okay let me put it this way.....if smth ever enters my head one day, and i just decide say i wan start to dey rap or sing (which i'm zero good at) and my friends come dey ginger me make i do am......Then I'll certainly know say dem no be my true friends at all.

I swear this is even worse than that "Ikebe na money woman" Come on on nah...why some people their job na just to dey fall our country hand huh?....We dey an era where Naija artists are doing big thing and people in different countries are beginning to apppreciate our music....and thats when one ibotic container boy decided to do this camera phone video shoot.....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ........i cant take it anymore...i cant.. i just cant ehh.....nothing is just right, starting from when u click play, tilllll 4:09mins..... even the babe no just try at alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.......HA HA HA HA. ..i just cant take it any freaking moreeeeeeeeeee!!! see party with enogh flexing ehh.......lol to the beatz too :)

NAWA 4 THIS BABE OHH!!!

I Dont know if some of u know this girl sef...anyways she goes by the name Sasha, and she claims to be a good Naija female rapper. As for me, i've only heard one of her songs sha....and dont get me wrong i was a lil bit impressed tho :)
Anyways she recently posted in her tweet that entertainers should have their own private plane. This was as a result of the frequent cancellation of flights and delays tho.

“Maybe we need an airline strictly for entertainers…hmmmm soul plane or pigeon plane? Air traffic is seriously needing a Brt (BRT) lane!”

But Nawa ohh.....cos u don rap and feature for a couple of songs, and now u considering urself an entertainer?...Enter-wetin? u see this na the problem with all these Naija entertainers wey never go anywhere yet. Anyways shey entertainers should have their own private plane huh..then go buy one nah, or tell the govt to provide one for u..wetin u dey wait for?

Nna ehhn..nothin wey person no go see or hear from some of these our local champions these days oh....When people like the Adenuga's and the Dangote's suppose dey talk about private plane, then housegial wan follow talk join.............DUMB ASS CHICK :)

#IfNaijaVotes

I jacked this from @cpafrica's facebook

Good Job, ThisDay

*excuse the rotation issues. I'm not very technologically inclined this morning. Blame my Igbo side.

Bonus: